日本では無理でしょう / This'd Never Work In Japan

English below...

まぐれで、今朝、del.icio.usで「Open Loops」と言う面白いブログを見つけた。

恐らく、夜遅くまで残業をすることより午前中集中的に働くことの方が効果的だそうです。

アメリカ人の僕にとってこれは当然だ。何回も「何で日本人はそんな残業をするか？」と思った。日本では「無駄は駄目！」をよく聞きますが仕事ができたら、課長や部長や社長が帰るまで働かなきゃは無駄じゃない？

やっぱり日本とアメリカのビジネス文化は全然違うから日本ではこれはあり得ないでしょう？


Just by dumb luck this morning, I ran across an interesting blog called Open Loops via del.icio.us.

According to the guy who writes it, supposedly focusing all your energy on getting tasks done during the morning is a lot more effective than putting in overtime till all hours of the night.

Now, to me as an American, this seems only logical. I don't know how many times I've wondered, "Why the hell do so many Japanese put in so much overtime?" There's always so much emphasis in Japan about 'cutting out waste' but if you've finished your work, yet can't go home until the boss leaves isn't that a form of "waste"?

I guess that business culture in Japan & the US are just two entirely different animals and that this line of thought would never work here, right?

I still have a cold & Joi Ito doesn't like me :(

ごめんね・・・今回は英語のみですorz

Well, day 3 of the Great Cold o' 2007 began when I woke up at 6:30AM this morning. Just, "BAM" eyes open, I'm up and proceed to cough up half a lung. Such a lovely image, huh? Thank you Jesus for sweet, sweet Thera-Flu & NyQuil and for relatives that'll send the stuff to me from across the pond seeing as I can't get the stuff here. Supposedly it's somewhat illegal since it could technically be used to set up a meth lab or something. Ooohhh...guess I'm committing yet another "unspeakable foreign crime"!

In anycase, Joi Ito is one of my favorite bloggers, a big jet set tech guru, pals with the folks over at BoingBoing and even if he is a vegan *grin*, one of my idols. This guy is a true self-made businessman, the kinda person I'd really like to be one o' these days...but I get the idea that he doesn't really care for me too much.

Turns out that Joi's spoken out about the whole expose on unspeakable foreign crimes flap as well, so I figured I'd leave a comment on his site. Nothing nasty or anything, just saying that I really appreciated someone as influential as him speaking out about it, and wondering if he could possibly get BoingBoing to cover it as well.

Guess he didn't appreciate it or something, as comments to his site are all moderated and mine was rejected. Oops.

Throw me a bone here, Joi...what'd I do wrong?

ファミリー・マートへ、ようこそ！ / Howzit Hangin' There Family Mart?

English below...

奇蹟の復興を遂げなくて、まだ具合が悪いのに、今朝ちゃんと学校に行きました・・・

・・・が

すぐ「今日の授業は来週ができるから帰りなさい！」と言われちゃったから今日もまだ風邪、また休みました。仕方がないけど、楽しい3連休に「バイバイ！」と言った方がいいかな。

とにかく、30分前くらい、サイトメータのアカウントをチェックした時に面白いデータを見つけた：

Domain Name: Unknown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 2:14PM
Referring URL: (長いリンクだからここをクリックしてください)

そしてその前、

Domain Name: Unkown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 11:43AM
Referring URL: (長いリンクだからここをクリックしてください)

問題です：　＊チャージャッ＊

第一問) 何でファミリー・マートは「外人犯罪」と「外人犯罪裏ファイル」を検索している？
第二問) 何で僕のブログを読んでいる？
第三問) 何でコメントを書いてくれなかった？ ;)

でも冗談抜きには、ボイコットの脅威が分かったから、ファミリー・マートは自主的に「驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル2007」の販売を中止した。かれらは「このずうずうしい外人達は本当にボイコットをするかはったりを言っているか？」と思って、確認しているかな？さあね・・・さっぱり分からないけどファミリー・マートさん、今度少なくてもコメントを書いてください。

そうですね・・・忘れちゃった。このムックはamazon.jpで、まだ販売中だから昨夜「何でこういう風な人種差別的な本を売りたいですか？」のメールを送った。残念ながら僕の日本語能力は足りないし、ちゃんと敬語的な手紙が書けないから英語でメールしましたが今日はお返事が届いた。

「お客様の為にできるだけ幅広いセレクションと色々な観点を提供したい」と答えたから結局販売を続きます。お返事ありがとうございますが納得できない。人種差別は最低だ、そしてそういう風な本を販売している店を応援したくないから、しばらくamazon.jpから何も買わないと思う。

最後に、JapanProbeとJapan Todayと毎日新聞（英語版）によると「外国人犯罪」は2005年度に比べて16.2％に減少したが毎日新聞日本語版の記事はかなり違う見出しがありました。

おーい！毎日新聞！「我々ずうずうし外人」も日本語が読めるよ。

コメントで説明してくれませんか？


Unfortunately I didn't have any kind of miraculous recovery upon waking up this morning and even though I still felt like absolute crap, I still dragged my ass into work...

...where I was promptly told "Um...we can re-schedule your classes for next week. Go home!" So I'm still sick and home once again. Guess I can kiss my funfilled 3-day weekend "bye-bye!"

Anyhoo, looking at my sitemeter account a while ago, I found the most peculiar entries:

Domain Name: Unknown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 2:14PM
Referring URL: (the link is obnoxiously long, so click here)

and previous to that,

Domain Name: Unkown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 11:43AM
Referring URL: (another obnoxiously long link, so click here)

Ok kids, question time.

1) Why is FamilyMart searching for the English equivalent of "foreign crime" and "hidden foreign crime files"?
2) Why is FamilyMart reading my pitiful little blog?
3) Why the hell did FamilyMart not have the common courtesy to at least leave me a comment?

All joking aside, when FamilyMart caught on to the fact that they might be subject to a boycott, they (eventually & supposedly) voluntarily pulled "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime 2007" from the shelves across Japan. Who knows...maybe they're thinking, "Were those uppity foreigners really gonna boycott us or just pulling our leg?" and decided to find out for themselves. Beats me, but FamilyMart, if you're reading this, leave a friggin' comment next time, huh?

Oh yeah...almost forgot. The magazine is still available on Amazon.jp, so last night I wrote their PR Dept to ask why they would wanna sell a racist publication like this. Unfortunately, my written Japanese isn't quite up to the level of writing such a formal letter, so I banged a mail out in English, pressed "send" and hoped for the best (although I didn't really have very high expectations).

To my astonishment, I actually gotta mail back today from Amazon.jp in exceedingly good English...but stating that:

"As a retailer, our goal is to provide customers with the broadest
selection possible so they can find, discover, and buy any item
they might be seeking. That selection includes some items which
many people may find objectionable. Therefore, the items offered
on our web site represent a wide spectrum of opinions on a
variety of topics." Blah, blah, blah...

Well, thanks for the mail, but sorry guys...that doesn't quite cut it. Racism & discrimination plain ol' suck, and I don't particularly care to support a business that sells stuff like that. Guess it'll be a while before I buy anything on Amazon for a while.

Last but not least, I ran across a story on Japan Probe, Japan Today and the Mainichi Daily News (the English version of the Mainichi Shinbun) about how "foreign crime has diminished slightly over 16% from FY2005). Interesting timing on this one, eh?

Oh, but wait a tic...

On the Japanese version of Mainichi Shinbun, the headline is a whole lot different, i.e. it reads, "Foreign Crime: Increase In Outlying Areas, Chubu Area Sees Rates 35 Times Higher Than They Were 15 Years Ago".

WTF!? Wonder why this little gem didn't get put in the English edition...

Hey Mainichi Shinbun! Some of us dirty, uppity foreigners can read Japanese too, ya know...

Care to leave a comment and explain?

「迷惑マン」と呼んでください / Being A Pain In The Ass To Others Is My Specialty

English below...


嫌だ。去年、肺炎になった時に比べるとそんなに悪くないけど本格的な風邪をひいちゃった。畜生。

小学児童は本当に「小さい黴菌とウィルス工場」だから最近、学校で風邪やインフルエンザがすごく流行っている。そして月・火曜日、吹雪の中にスキー学習に行くことはバッド・アイディアだったかもしれない。

やっぱり、今回は僕の番だ。きっと、スキー学習の文句を言ったからかな。

昨日、昼くらいから調子はどんどん悪くなりましたから今日は休んでいる。学校もスキー学習も。

何でアジアにいる間にこんなに風邪をひくかな？毎日何回もちゃんと手を洗ったり、うがいをしますがあまり意味ないみたい。アジアのウィルスはそんなにちがう？僕の免疫系はそんなに弱い？

奥さんによると、日本では風邪をひくことは「迷惑」です。ちゃんと体を気をつけないと周りの人に迷惑を掛けてしまう。休んだら、職場の同僚、奥さんに迷惑を掛ける。休まないと仕事の同僚と子ども達は僕の風邪をひいて、迷惑を掛ける。

厳しいな、日本。

よく頑張っても迷惑を掛けるしか出来ないみたい。どうしてもうまくできない状態だ。

とにかく、金曜日に欠かせない授業があるから、とりあえず、風邪薬を飲んだり、沢山寝たり、成功を祈ることしかないみない。


Ugh. While it's not nearly as bad as my bout of pneumonia from last year, I've defo gotta full on cold. Crap.

Little kids are pretty much tiny bacteria & virus factories, so colds and the flu have really been going around lately. That, and going skiing w/ the kids on Monday and Tuesday in the middle of blizzards both days probably didn't help much either, so I guess it's only natural that it was my turn to get sick (well...bitching about going skiing no doubt knocked a few points off my karma level, too).

Ya know how sometimes you can feel a cold coming on? Well, that started around noon yesterday and picked up steam from there. As a result, I'm home sick today, i.e. no ski lessons
and no school.

Why the hell does it seem like I'm constantly sick whenever I'm in Asia? I wash my hands multiple times a day and gargle whenever I get home, but its like it makes no difference. I was never like this back in the states. Are the viruses here that much different or is my immune system really that weak?

According to my wife, the Japanese consider a cold as meiwaku, or "causing others to be inconvenienced" which is a big social taboo here. In a group-based society like Japan (as compared to an individualistic society like the US) I can see the reasoning behind this way of thinking, but supposedly, no matter what the case, it's your own damn fault if you get sick. Because people who "take care of themselves" never get colds. Yeah right.

If I take the day off to try and get better, I cause trouble for both my wife and the people I work with (regardless of whether I have classes or not). If I try to drag my ass into work, I cause trouble by possibly getting even more sick and infecting my co-workers and the kids. Seems like no matter what I do or how hard I try to stay healthy, the only thing I can do is end up being a pain in the ass to those around me. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

In anycase, seeing as I've got classes on Friday that I can't miss and a wedding to attend on Sunday, guess the only thing I can do is take my cold medicine (thanks M&D for the Thera-Flu & NyQuil!), sleep and hope I somehow feel better in the next 20 or so hours. *shrug*

So...tired. Must...sleep.... / ちかれた・・・倒れ・・・そう・・・

日本語しか読めないみなさんへ、

すみませんが昨日と今日のスキー学習のせいで日本語の日記を書くエネルギーがないから許してください。orz

Ugh. Yesterday & today I went skiing with 5th & 6th graders for their ski lessons and hoo boy am I feelin' it. I seriously doubt if I'm gonna be able to move in the morning. Oh well...at least I don't have to go skiing again until Thursday.

WTF? When did I get to the point where I'm bitching about being paid to go skiing w/ a bunch of kids? How sad am I?

In other news, looks like the whole "Hidden Foreign Crime Files" flap has gotten more attention from the rest of the world, including a few articles in The Times (London) (as well as the now pissed off gaijin population in general), and as a result, FamilyMart's finally agreed to immediately pull this little hate speech mook from it's shelves. Huzzah for social activism!

Now if BoingBoing'll only pick up on my submission about the story... C'mon guys! Pick up on this story while it's still hot and before more British journalists write it off as nothing more than a shit-job journalism example of Japanese penis envy! ;)

BTW, Happy Waitangi Day to all you Kiwis!

コメントお願いします！ / Um, comments please?

Sitemeterのアカウントによると、最近世界中の人たちが僕のブログを見てくれましたからありがとうがいます！

According to my Sitemeter account, there's been people viewing this page left & right from all over the globe, so first off, thanks!

しかし、コメントを書いてくれる人はすごく少ない・・・

However, so far, there's only been like 2 people that've left comments...

だから是非、コメントを書いてください！僕の書いたことを反対？賛成？面白い？つまらない？英語か日本語が多すぎる？教えてよ！

So please...leave me some comments! Are you for or against what I'm saying? Is it entertaining/interesting or boring? Too much Japanese or English? Lemme know!

ありがとうございます！

Thanks!

「外人犯罪裏ファイル」の最新情報 / "Unspeakable Foreign Crime Files Update"

やった！ガーディアンと言うイギリス有力紙のウェブサイトで「驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル2007」についての記事を載っています ！

是非、http://www.guardian.co.uk/japan/story/0,,2004646,00.html　をチェックして見てください！



Sweet! This story's gone global, baby! As of yesterday, there's a piece in The Guardian (fairly influential British newspaper) that does a fairly balanced take on the "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime 2007" story. If you get a chance, make sure to check it out!

Man, if somebody ever decides that they wanna get the foreign population of Japan in a snit, this'd be a great case study...

Because When I Think "Tasty!", I Think of Chocolate, Shrimp & Asse

How's that for a marketing campaign?

Yesterday when I was on my witch hunt for unspeakable tales of foreign crime, I just happened to see this piled high on a convenience store shelf...




In case you can't read it, yes...that is a container full of chocolate covered shrimp crackers. They even made the chocolate a bit salty to complement the taste of the shrimp crackers (what...you think I could make up shit like this?). Two great tastes that taste great together, I guess...IN FRIGGIN' BIZARRO WORLD.

Oh, wait a tic...this is Japan...never mind.

I guess it could turn out to be pretty tasty, but as this is wrong on so many levels, I just haven't had the courage to try 'em yet. Fear not tho, I'll keep ya updated whenever I finally do.

In anycase, supposedly if a product is a hit here in Hokkaido, it'll go over well nationwide, and if it fails, well, y'aint gonna be seeing it in Tokyo anytime soon (hopefully these chocolate salty shrimp crackers too, will soon go the way of the buffalo like their predecessors BBQ lamb & beer flavored caramel - although why horse sushi ice cream is still around is beyond me). Kinda makes me feel special to be a guinea pig...er, part of such a distinguished and highly selective demographic, rather.

While we do occasionally get the short end of the "what kind of disgusting combination can we come up with this time?" stick, they do get it right every now & then. Such examples would include "Cherry blossom", cherry, sweet bean (sounds bad, tastes good), banana, choco-banana, apple, cantaloupe, and passion fruit flavored Kit Kat.

My favorite one that passed the fine palettes of Hokkaido though, would have to be Asse.



Ok, well technically it's pronounced "Ah-say", but the spelling's close enough. I tell ya...there's nothing better than a fine piece of Asse, and the possibilities here are just endless.

New Toys!

Thanks to Coal over at Libation Kowloon, I've picked up a swank new little toy!

Ever wonder what you're about to go when clicking on a link? With this free Java plug-in called Snap! it gives a little preview of any external links so that you can see exactly where you're headed. Yay! No more goatses or tub girls spoiling a perfectly nice browsing session (notice how I did NOT put links on those)! Pretty neat, huh?

One quick disclaimer: If you're using a script blocker like NoScript for Firefox, you'll need to enable www.snap.com to get it to work.

ちょっと落ち着いて、考え見ると / Now That I've Calmed Down A Bit...

English below, 'cause it's too much of a pain in the ass to think of what I wanna say in English first...


先のポストが出来た後、正直に怒っていた。そして5分くらい前、有道出人（あるどうでびと）さんのブログで、またひどい漫画を見つけた。去年の件ですが、さぁね・・・

しかし、もう怒っていないです。ちょっとイライラしているけど怒っていない。理由は二つ：

1)　近くのコンビニ探しに行ったら、ありがたいことに「 驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル―外人犯罪白書2007」がなかった。

2)　きっと、こういう風な雑誌・漫画・本をよく読む人はキモイな「白い靴下と黒スーツ」を着る、完全にsheeple（従順で自分の意見がなく大勢に従う人々）だ。

・・・と信じたい。人種差別は最低だね。



To be perfectly honest, after my last post I was pretty livid. Then not 5 minutes ago, I found another nasty little comic over at Debito Arudo's blog. It was from last year, but still...

In the spirit of trying to keep my blood pressure from skyrocketing any further though, I'm not mad anymore. A bit annoyed, yes. Pissed off, no, and for 2 reasons:

1) I went to all of the local convenience stores (well, all 3 in Tohma, in anycase) tonight after practice, and thankfully none of 'em had any copies of "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime 2007".

2) Surely, the only people buying magazines/comics/books like this are bottom of the barrel of society rejects that probably wear white socks with black suits and are total sheeple.

...or at least I really want to believe that.

Man, racism sucks big ol' donkey dicks.

ふざけてるんでしょう？ / You've gotta be kidding me...

No doubt slightly different English rant below...

今日は膝の怪我について日記を書きたかったがミクシィ経由にて「外人犯罪裏ファイル」についての日
記を見つけた・・・



全国のコンビ二で今発売中


・・・勘弁してくれよ。


日本は大好きだけどこの「我々島国日本人」と「外人＝犯罪や社会問題」の考え方は信じられないほどムカツクです。 もちろん、アメリカや他の国でも人種問題がありますし、人種差別主義者もいるけど殆どの国でこういう風な雑誌は許さないことじゃない？それより許せない。

もう一つの問題は、この雑誌に載っている記事は大体欧米人について、何も書いていないのに、「外人」と言う言葉を聞くと日本人のイメージは何でしょうか？中国人？違う。在日韓国人？ブブー。黒人と白人でしょう？この考え方はすごく危ないですが日本では普通みたい。

鎖国時代は150年前に終わりましたよ。好きかどうかかかわらず、2007年の人間は国際社会です。 一番心をかき乱すようなことは要望がなければコンビニや本屋さんの発売ができないはず。言いづらいですが僕の日本人友達も、僕の「外人さ」は関係ないと思ったのに、本当にそういう風に考えていますか？

すごく少ないですが、たまに「何でここに住みたい？」と思う。

日本人の皆さんは今「Hillbillyさん・・・ただ考え過ぎているだろ。」と思っているかもしれないですが逆だったらどうですか？



I was gonna write about my bum knee today, but that's sorta been put on hold. Thanks to Coal at Mixi, I found an article here & here describing a new "expose" on the "foreign crime wave" currently happening in Japan.




(translation: "The Hidden Foreign Crime Files")

Yes, this is now on sale at convenience & book stores throughout Japan.


Give me a fucking break...


I love Japan (why would I choose to live here for the last 7 years otherwise?), but this whole "We, the island bound Japanese race" and "foreigner = crime and social problems" mind set pisses me off to no end. Sure, America and other countries have their own racial problems and you're gonna find a few racist assholes no matter where you go, but I would think that in most countries that finding this kind of thing in a convenience store magazine rack would be unthinkable, not to mention illegal for the overall hate speech tones. Oh yeah, that's right...Japan is a "homogeneous and genetically pure society" so it has no need for any laws against discrimination.

The other problem I see with this is that while they never really mention Americans, Canadians, Brits, Aussies, Kiwis or any citizens of the supposed "good", i.e. mainly white countries, what is the typical image of a "foreigner" to most Japanese? Chinese? Nope. Koreans with permanent residence in Japan? Huh uh...they're Asian, so their Japanese, right? Blacks & whites? You sir win the $64 prize! This kind of thinking is just dangerous, but seems to be the status quo in Japan.

Somewhat similar to rednecks in the US and the whole Civil War thing, Japan's period when it shut itself off from the rest of the world is over. Like 150 years ago over, guys. Regardless of whether you like it or not, we live in an international society, so get over it. What's most disturbing to me is that this kind of bullshit wouldn't even get shelf space in convenience & book stores if there wasn't a demand for it, right? I hate to say it, but is this the way my Japanese friends really feel? The ones I thought looked past my "foreignness" and became friends with me because of the person I am?

It doesn't happen very often, but every now & then (like right now), there're times when I really have to ask myself, "Why the hell do I want to live in a country like this?"

Sure, some of you are probably thinking, "Hillbilly...you're being paranoid", but how would you feel if you were Japanese and something like this about "Nip Criminals Terrorize America" came out in the US?

OKI Kicks Ass

日本語しか読めない方へ、すみませんが今回の日記はとりあえず英語だけ。後で、時間があったら日本語版もかくかもしれない。ごめんね。orz

Last night M & I went down to Asahikawa to see the final show on OKI's Ainu Dub Band Japan tour, and man, what a great show. I'd only seen him do acoustic sets before, so it was a first for me to see him with a full on band and dub set.

Defo a different crowd, too. The two times we saw him play before were both at the Kawamura Ainu Village, which is more of a museum w/ a performance space. The crowd there is normally a quieter mix of young & old alike (especially little old Ainu ladies who do upopo), with only a few hippies/groupies that normally show up and attract more attention than whoever's on stage. Don't get me wrong now...more power to 'em I say. Their own version of public interpretive dance actually takes the emphasis off me as usually the only foreign barbarian in the house, so groove on there, Moonbeam. In anycase, seeing as the show was in a full on club, definitely a younger crowd last night, with a big contingent of groupies and most people there packed in & heads bobbin'. Surprisingly enough, a few biddies showed up, but were none too pleased that there wasn't anywhere for 'em to sit, as one lady was all too willing to share with us prior to the show starting. Interesting moment o' the evening: we were making our way into stage area when we passed one of the Ainu elders that I've seen several times at the previous shows. She looks at me for a second, turns away, then does a full on double take, with this look of "Wait a tic...I don't know any gaijin! Why do I know you?" written all over her face. "Have we met before?" she asks, and I say, "Um, yeah. You've probably seen me over at the Ainu museum." She replies, "Oh. I guess we have met then." and shuffles off mumbling something else that neither M or I can figure out. Ohhhkay.

Anyhoo, the show starts about 20 minutes late, and when OKI and the band walk on the stage, the groupies pretty much went wild. While, like I mentioned before, it was a total kick ass show, the first song was just sorta...well, odd. As the band was tuning their instruments, this kinda weird, trippy, dreamy number with bits of upopo chanting by Umeko Ando was playing at full volume, and it seemed like the entire crowd did a bit of a collective "huh?". It was also echo-y as all hell, and I know that dub uses a shit-load of reverb, but maybe it was just a skosh too much. Once they got tuned up and into the first set though, things picked up and everybody started to build up a bit of steam. One of the best songs was a totally trippy piece that sounded like drum & base/tribal, but without the use of any synths or sound boards and really showed off how good the drummer, Takashi Numazawa, really is. The whole crowd just sorta stood there with their mouths open watching this guy go to town. Yes, he's that good, so if you ever get a chance to see him, don't walk, run!

After a quick break, they started the second set and it turned out to be the best part of the show by far. For one of the opening numbers, OKI was playing the mukkuri, a bamboo jew's harp and swear to God it sounded like it was coming straight off a mixing board. After that the drums and base kicked in and man, the place was jumping.

The band finished their second set, but the crowd wouldn't let 'em off that easy, and they came back for an extended encore w/ OKI on the bass instead of the tonkori. By the time they got to the 3rd song of the encore, it seemed like they were just getting started and the crowd was eating it up, but a) thanks to my bum knee, my entire right leg hurt like a bitch and b) I had to be at work at 8AM this morning, so we cut out a bit early.

Of course, we couldn't just leave empty handed, so on the way out, we figured we'd pick up one of the CDs they were selling...but went a little overboard and bought 3...and a sticker for my snowboard. Oh well at least they threw in a few extra stickers for free.

And how do you top off such a big night out like this? Why, a classy drive-through stop at Micky D's of course! Hey, it was one of the only places open at 11:30. Come to think of it, last night may be the first time I've ever gone through a pick-up window in Japan. Well, there's one more thing to cross off the "to do in Japan" list.

ゴルデン・ウィークの思い出 / Oh Yeah, That Whole Golden Week Thing From 2 Years Ago...

Slightly different (& no doubt longer) English version below:


今日、タバコ部屋で休憩した時に「今年のゴルデン・ウィークはどうかな～？2日間の年休を使ったらまた11連休ができる？」と思って、カレンダーを調べた。

駄目だ。まぁ・・・しょうがないっすね。

とにかく、GWについて考えたら、2年前のGWを思い出した。親友（博士君）と一緒に5日間の道内キャンプ旅行をしました。

出発前に、「あっ！これについて日記を書かなきゃいけないね！そしてPSPがあるから毎日日記の更新ができる！」

ハハハハハハ！可笑しいべさ！

以下の理由で結局できなかった：

1) 道東は殆ど田舎だから無線LANは殆どない（特に私たちにいた所）。
2) PSPのテキスト入力はすごくうんざりさせること。「だって、楽しそうですね！やりたい！」と言う人がいれば、自分の為にあきらめた方がいいっすよ。ドMな人へ、どうぞ。
3) 親友は運転ができないから僕は1000キロ以上、全部一人で運転した。

どうせ、2年前のことだから100％覚えてないけど、これくらい日程でした（間違えたや変な日本語を許してください）：

1日目：札幌～新冠。温かくて、いい天気！出発！やった！最高の旅が始まったぜ！新冠のキャンプ場でキャンプした。夜は寒かったから二人でJack Danielsの500mlを全部飲んじゃった。よく寝た。

2日目：新冠～虫類。ちょっと涼しかったけど晴れていた。ありがたいことに二日酔いなし。道の駅で「おっぱい餅」を見つけた。えりも岬。綺麗な海岸。虫類のキャンプ場でキャンプした。1日目の夜に比べてそんなに寒くなかったからビール3本しか飲まなかった。深夜にキツネの泣き声を聞いた。「だれが殺されている」みたい。

3日目：虫類～屈斜路湖。天気はどんどん悪くなるみたい。弟子屈で迷っちゃった。やっと屈斜路湖のキャンプ場を見つけた。やっぱり天気はヤバイ。弟子屈に戻って、3ℓ「大五郎」と晩ご飯を買って、キャンプ場に戻った。土砂降りの雨、寒くて死にそうので大五郎ガブガブ飲みました。カキとみかんを焼いた（大五郎のせい）。ずぶぬれになった。「あ、そうっか・・・これが地獄だ。思ったより寒い」と思った。酔ってヨロヨロして、偶然に天然露天風呂を見つけた。「ありがとう、神様！」と思った。テントまで酔ってヨロヨロして戻った。よく眠れなかった。

4日目：屈斜路湖～当麻。長～い一日でした。寒かった。朝5時半で隣のテントのファミリたちはすごくうるさかったから起きちゃった。二日酔いがひどかった。「静かにしてもらえませんか！？」と叫んだ。チョコットだけ静かになった。テントから出て、トイレの方に向かって、うるさいファミリを見ながら「迷惑！」と言った。うるさいファミリはすぐ黙って、テントの中に逃げた。摩周湖（二日酔いだったのにすごく綺麗だった）。硫黄山で間欠泉に顔を熱傷した。楽しくなかった。屋台のおじさんから「おい！外人さん！たまごを買ってくれませんか？」に声をかけられた。「結構、日本人さん！」と答えた。オホーツク海を見た。大雪山で雪が降った。冬タイヤじゃなかったからちょっと怖かった。当麻のキャンプ場でキャンプした。アホだから池に落ちた（後で、奥さんを電話した時に、笑われた）。ありがたいことに、キャンプ場から500mくらいの温泉がありました。その夜、－1℃になった。また寒くて死にそうだった。

5日目：当麻～札幌～滝川（あの時に住んでいた町）。上川支庁で迷っちゃった。幌加内道の駅が見つからなかった。博士君を札幌のアパートで降ろして、「じゃね」と言って、滝川に帰った。

学んだこと：

1) 本当の友達だったら、ほぼ一週間ずーと密着なのに、喧嘩しない（注意：これは僕の意見です。博士君は違うことと思うかもしれない）。
2) 道東は本当に田舎（けどすごく綺麗だ）。
3) 北海道で、ゴルデン・ウィークは絶対キャンピングシーゾンじゃない。この旅は楽しかったけど二度とやりたくない。


I was looking at the calendar today while in the breakroom and thought to myself, "Hmmm...what's Golden Week gonna be like this year? Wonder if I can get 11 days off for the low, low price of 2 holiday days again?"

No such luck. Crap.

One good thing about this exercise in futility is that it jogged my memory about Golden Week a few years ago and the big camping trip around Hokkaido with my best friend Boy Doctor.

At the time, I'd just started this blog, and thought, "Hey! I can make entries on the road on my PSP! That'll be so cool!"

HA HA HA! Oh boy, do I crack myself up sometimes.

In the end, that didn't quite happen for the following reasons:

1) There's a whole lotta nothing in eastern Hokkaido, and thus a decided lack of wireless access points.
2) Text entry on a PSP is a complete and total pain in the ass. If you're a real masochist tho, be my guest.
3) Since Boy Doctor doesn't have a drivers license, I ended up driving the entire 1000 some odd kilometers over a span of 5 days, so I don't think I really woulda been up to it in the first place.

Yeah, it's now 2 years later, but I'm feeling all nostalgic, so here's the long overdue run-down:

Day 1: Sapporo-Niikappu. It's actually warm weather! In May! In Hokkaido! Woohoo! Bit nippy at night, so we polish off a fifth of Jack Daniels between us. I sleep well.

Day 2: Niikapu-Churui. Not bad weather. Bit cooler than yesterday, but still sunny. We find rice cakes in the shape of boobies at a rest area gift shop. Cape Erimo. Gorgeous coastline. We camp in Churui, just south of Obihiro. Not quite as cold as last night, so I only have 3 beers. A fox comes within a few meters of our campsite. We chase it away as neither of us really want rabies. I awaken in the middle of the night to fox calls, which sound like somebody being killed.

Day 3: Churui-Lake Kussharo. Uh oh...weather looks like it might turn on us. We get lost in Teshikaga, but finally manage to find the lake. Oh crap. It's cold, windy as hell, and it's about to rain. Run back to Teshikaga to buy dinner and a 3 liter bottle of "Dai Goro", the cheapest shochu (think rubbing alcohol) we can find, then haul ass back to camp. It is now absolutely pissing down actual cats & dogs in biblical proportions and I'm freezing my ass off and miserable. "Ah...so this is what hell is like? It's much colder than I figured it'd be." We proceed to down 3 liters of rubbing alcohol in the hopes of somehow keeping warm while I stand in the rain barbeqeuing oysters and mandarin oranges. Yes, that would be the alco-mahol's fault. We drunkenly stumble along the shoreline and by total
dumb luck find a natural outdoor hot spring. "Thank you, Jesus!" I manage to get my body temperature somewhere above 30C and we stumble back to our tents. I do not sleep well.

Day 4: Lake Kusharo-Tohma. Shit weather & cold. I'm woken up at 5AM by the family in the tent next door. "...and then the dog woke me up!" Hilarious laughter ensues. I am extremely hung over and not pleased in any way, shape or form, as I yell in Japanese, "Would you PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" They tone it down about 0.000001 decibels. I drag my ass out of my tent and make my way to the bathroom. As I'm walking, death rays are emanating from my eyes directly at obnoxiously loud family and I mutter the equivalent of "Get fucked, assholes." Suddenly they become very quiet and hide in their tent. That's right folks, you do not want to mess w/ Mr. Very Hung Over Ugly Foreigner right now. Somehow my brain eventually starts to work, and while it's still freezing, the sun comes out a bit. Lake Mashuu (the shear beauty of this place alone made me temporarily forget the jackhammers going off in my head. Mt. Io. I stick my head in a geyser and almost burn my face off. Some old guy selling eggs hard-boiled from the local steam vents yells at me, "Oi! Mr. Foreigner! Buy an egg from me!" "Not on your life, Mr. racist Japanese!" We see the Sea of Okhotsk. While crossing the Mt. Taisetsu pass, it starts blizzarding. I do not have on snow tires and somehow safely white knuckle it down the other side. We camp in Tohma. It's sunny, now, but cold. I am an idiot and fall into a pond (of course, when I call M and tell her about this later that night, she laughs mercilessly at my misfortune). Thankfully, there's a hot spring w/in 500 meters of the camp ground and I have one last change of dry clothes, so I don't get pneumonia and die. It gets down to -1C that night, and once again, I almost freeze my ass off. At least it's not raining.

Day 5: Tohma-Sapporo-Takikawa (where I lived at the time). Finally, the weather is a bit nicer. We get lost somewhere in Kamikawa and can't find the Horokonai Michi no Eki. We are very disappointed, as it means that I can't pick up another country sign magnet (I've already picked up 11 on the trip by this point). We get into Sapporo, I drop Boy Doctor off, and we say our farewells with a manly "I'M NOT GAY" 3 pat hug. I drive another 2 hours back up to Takikawa and collapse into a coma.

Things I learned on this trip:

1) If you're really good friends, you don't necessarily have to get on each others nerves, even after being cooped up in a jeep traveling around WoopWoop, Eastern Hokkaido for 5 days. (NOTE: This is my personal opinion, and may not necessarily be shared by Boy Doctor)
2) There's a lotta nothin' in Eastern Hokkaido, but it shur is purty.
3) Golden Week is most assuredly not the best time to go camping in Hokkaido (that would be the approximately only 3 absolutely perfect days of the year in June). I had a blast, but sure as hell don't wanna do it again.

R.I.P. 巨乳

(English below)

ミクシィから来たの皆様へ、

もしかして、「あらっ？「巨乳」のアバター（写真）はどこに行った？」と思っている？

実は、色々な方から「その「巨乳」の写真は面白いよ！」、「それ見たときに爆笑した！」などのコメントをもらいましたが、最近、奥さんは「Hillbilly君、その巨乳の写真は嫌だよ！セクハラだから早く変えてくれ！」

そのアバターが大好きで（実はこのブログの「About Me」の違うところでまだ使っています）、すごく面白いと思いますが、生意気な写真のために夫婦喧嘩をしたくないので、結局変えました。

「巨乳小渕君」、冥福を祈る。　；）

そして・・・

口をポカーンと開けた田舎者の勉（つとむ）へようこそ！


Up until now, I've used this pic...

















...as the avatar for my Mixi account. Sortuva long story if you don't know much about Japan or read the language, but I'll give it a go.

First off, check out this Wiki page for a background of the Japanese calendar.

Still with me? No falling asleep and drooling all over the desk now...I am a teacher after all, and will not allow that sort of behavior! *grin*

So in any case, this pic was taken when they held a big press conference to announce the name of the current era, Heisei, back in 1989, and what was originally written on the card this dude is holding up. Lovely, that's nice, but you're probably asking yourself, "Um...where the hell is he going with this?"

Well, in the last oh, 10 years or so, Japanese women appearing on TV and in print with obnoxiously large hooters have spread like wildfire. Not to be un-PC or anything, but in general, Japanese women do not historically pack much in the titty department. Either the dirty old men in power put something in the water or a spate of women are having boob jobs. Fairly decent boob jobs at that (not that I'd ever look at anything so salacious, mind you).

There's even a word for this onslaught of in your face mammary glands...kyonyuu, or "giant breasts". This is what's written on the picture, so it truly is the era of big tits in Japan! Long live big tits! Huzzah!

Um...ok. That was just entirely too long and probably way not interesting or funny. I just really wanted to see how many different words I could use instead of "titties". I need help and I realize it, thank you very much.

ANYHOO...so I've used this picture as my avatar on a bunch o' different sites for ages, but my wife doesn't always appreciate my brand of immature, sophomoric and decidedly non-PC humor. On one of the sites where we both have accounts, she finally got fed up with seeing this pic everytime she logged in, and I got an earful, so in the spirit of trying to maintain marital bliss, I did what any self-respecting husband would do...I caved-in like a 100 year old mine in an earthquake and changed it.

Rest in piece, Big Tits...we never knew ya, buddy. ;)

May your successor, "Tsutomu, the Slack-Jawed Japanese Yokel" do what you never could.

Nothing says quality like underwear in a ziploc bag

This past weekend was nice, but way too short. M & I saw Marie Antoinette & spent entirely too much money on some sorta weird pachinko-esqe Monopoly game Saturday night, with a stop over at a beef bowl place on the way home. Sunday saw us head to UniQlo (the Japanese equivalent of Old Navy), Yoshinoya for more beef bowls, donuts and grocery shopping.

Yes, I've been on a bit of a beef bowl kick lately, and besides, they're finally serving that holiest of holies, wonderful, scrumptious, mad cow disease ridden American beef! Oh thank you God for what I have partaken of. For those of you who've been under a rock or just on the other side of the pond for the last few years, there was a ban on American beef in Japan from 2001 until sometime last year due to the finding of a cow w/ BSE on US soil a few years back. Now keep in mind the following:

a) There's been over 20 instances of mad cow disease in Japan in the mean time (mainly here in Hokkaido) and people are still tripping over themselves to eat ridiculously expensive Japanese beef.
b) Nasty ass, tough, dry Aussie beef flooded the market in the meanwhile. Safe? Maybe. Tasty? Are you kidding me?

I grew up on a ranch, raised and ate my own calf (damn Zuki was tasty!) and know that BSE testing in the states is dodgy at best, but baby, oh baby was I happy to indulge in a little USDA Grade D (suitable for cafeterias & prisons, mind you!) ;)

Anyhoo, where was we...ah yeah, the title of this post. So while we were at UniQlo, I picked up a few...let's just call 'em...male delicates. Yes, I do believe I bought the male equivalent of lingerie. Now before you do a collective, "huh?" lemme explain.

See, living here in the tundra, it gets more than a tit nipply during the winter, so long johns, or as we like to call 'em, "jiji pants" are unfortunately sortuva must. The neat thing is that UniQlo has this really cool body compression/"under armor" -esqe long underwear series that doesn't make me look entirely like a 50 something Japanese retiree and keeps me nice & toasty when I go boarding. Score! They even come individually wrapped in ziploc bags! How cool is that, huh? Even the underwear in Japan is high tech! ;)

And wearing these things? Let's just say that if you can get your hands on some UniQlo "Body Tech" undies, you'll be a) extremely warm and b) slightly confused. Why, dear reader, would one be slightly confused over a long sleeve undershirt? Well, they've got some sort of compression strap thingamajig sewn into the back that automatically pops your chest out. If you ever wanted to know what a cross your heart bra feels like, guys, here's your chance. "Look at my many bulging chest! I'm a manly man!"

The only bad thing about my new skivvies is that they are skin-fucking-tight. In the Hillbilly household, this is not a good thing, as they reveal the location of certain useless male chest nubbies in obscene detail to a certain person (let's call her my wife) who has a fetish for poking said useless male chest nubbies when I least expect it. Ah, but that's a story for another day...

I know just enough to be dangerous

Ok, so in addition to a) having entirely too much time on my hands today and b) giving out the address to this site all willy nilly across the Internet, I thought it'd be just a swell idea to link my Mixi (Japanese equivalent of MySpace...but better...and in Japanese...and it doesn't suck) account here. Maybe an oops is in order? Better get to editing old posts...

Anyhoo, if you see what appears to be a bunch of garbage characters, pay no mind, 'cause it's probably (hopefully) just a post in Japanese.

日本語を書きたいの皆さんへ、

このブログはバイリンガル（英・和）だから日本語のコメントをどうぞう。遠慮しないで。本当に。日本語が読めない人はちょっとかわいそうけどしょうがないっすね。

Me, Part II

Ok, so continuing w/ yesterdays self-intro, if for no other reason than to entertain myself on an otherwise boring day in the office and maybe one day be able to Google myself...

Things That Make Me Happy: Open source software, non-DRM'd media, good porn, My Dilbert desk calendar, my coozie turned pen holder from my brother-in-law that says, "A quaint little drinking village with a fishing problem. ISLAMORADA" (boy, that was a fun one to explain in Japanese to coworkers), the sound of kids laughing, q-tips (yes, I have an unhealthy obsession sticking things in my ears), snowboarding, the beginning of summer in Hokkaido, salt & vinegar Pringles, import food shops.

Things That Make Me Sad: Proprietary bullshit software, DRM, bad porn, Having 6 classes of munchkins in a single day followed by a 2 hour baseball practice, fighting w/ my wife, slack jawed Japanese idiots who point at me with eyes as big as quarters and yell, "FOREIGNER!!!!!!"

My Weird Quirks:

1) I hate spiders & flour with a passion. Some might do a cartoon-like double take "does not compute" on this one, but lemme try to explain. First off, spiders may be beneficial, in that they eat other bugs & whatnot, but why must they decide to come into my house? On top of that, the spiders in Hokkaido tend to grow into these evil gigantic monstrosities the size of rats that look like they could easily devour small animals, children & little old ladies. I literally feel like puking whenever I happen to find one. Secondly, flour. I have no idea what dark seeded childhood memory this stems from, but flour is just...wrong. Ya know how some people can't stand the thought of finger nails on a chalkboard (not me, BTW, I could do that all day long, even though some people reading this may be cringing right now)? Well, for me, that's flour, in all of its forms. Even the thought of flour gives me goose bumps. *shudder* Yes, that goes for powdered sugar, corn starch, chalk (kinda sux to be me, seeing that I ended up as an English teacher, huh?) and any other powdery substance, too. The thing that really bites the big one is that since Hokkaido is so cold in the winter, the only kind of snow we get is the really fluffy, powdery kind. Great for boarding, but ya know what that stuff sounds and feels like when walking on it? Fucking flour.

2) I'm a weather junkie. Seriously, I check the weather forecast on my phone like 20 times a day. Why, other than the fact that I probably have OCD? Will the weather forecast really change in the 5 minutes since I last checked it? Hey, it could happen! Maybe it's just that I got used to checking the radar last summer when I prayed every day that it'd rain so baseball practice would have to be canceled. Yes, I have issues.

3) Not so much a quirky thing, but somewhat related to 2) and as mentioned in one o' my posts from last year is that I help coach little league baseball to 2nd & 3rd graders here in town. I played baseball as a kid from the time I was 5 until high school, so like the dork I am, I figured, "Hey, that'd be a fun way to get involved in my community!" Now, you have to realize that baseball in Japan is sorta like the evil twin of baseball in the US. There's a really great book by a guy named Robert Whiting called You Gotta Have Wa that explains it better than I ever could (and in convenient book form, even!), but in essence, baseball, and sport in Japan in general is the modern day evolution of bushido, or "samurai spirit". Boys of summer? HA! No, Japanese kids practice the whole live long year round, baby! The guy I coach with is a bit of a nutter, but at least he's better than a lot of Japanese coaches, who, in an attempt to create "fighting spirit" don't let their players drink water during 8 hour daily practices in the middle of summer or make their pitchers throw 300 pitches a day until their arms fall off. This is what we in the real world tend to refer to as "a crock of bullshit" that only wears kids out mentally & physically by the time they hit high school. No, I'm not bitter! Argh. Think I may have to table this topic for a "Things I Hate/Love About Japan" post as it's only serving to piss me off right now. My appologies, er apollogies...um, apologies. Why the hell can I never spell that word right? See what Japanese baseball has done to me?

4) I can never seem to keep up a blog for more than a few weeks. I've tried it both in English & Japanese and it never seems to work out very well. I even have an account on Mixi, a sorta Japanese MySpace (with much nicer layouts...and BTW, why does every single MySpace page that I've ever laid eyes on look like it was coded by a crack addled chimp?) that my wife got me hooked on, but wouldn't ya know it, after 3 months, I was burnt out, dude. This whole re-emergence o' bloggery after a 6-month hiatus makes me feel like I'm some mullet-headed redneck telling his girlfriend, "C'mawn baby, gimme 'nother chance. Ah prawmis ah won't hit ya no mowr." Who knows? Maybe now that winter's finally got around to making Hokkaido it's bitch again I'll be able to keep it up for a while until the snow finally begins to thaw in July or so...

Ok, guess that's it my little exploration into online narcissistic self-gratification for now. Too many other things going on in my head right now that I just simply must write/read/blather on about.

Time for the twice a year posting...

Ok, so I may have made a little teensie weensie mistake in posting the addy o' this little read and even less updated page. See, just by total dumb luck, I found a really cool blog by some Auzzie chick named The Hot Librarian. Long story as to how I found it (more on that later), but in anycase, she's totally off her tits and laugh out loud, snorting-milk-through-nose funny with the kind of dirty minded, sophomoric humor that I thoroughly enjoy, so I thought it'd just be a grand idea to leave a little comment on one of her posts...with the address for this page. Oops.

Even though I seriously doubt that anybody would be so inclined to visit my acre & a half of the virtual equivalent of 20 miles off Al Gore's Info Superhighway in the middle of Wyoming, I feel like I have to clean house like a madman, as you know...I can't let people see how I really live, afterall...

Seeing as I live in BFE Hokkaido, Japan, and seeing as I haven't written a post in like, oh, half a year or so (me & keeping up a regular blog, either in Japanese or English seem to not get along), and seeing as there might be people that take a wrong turn off the expressway and end up lost here (HA! yeah, right), and in the grand tradition of the Japanese self-introduction, and in the grand tradition of using entirely too many "ands" and (Hey! There's another one!) run-on sentences, here's a little bit about me, dear unwitting layer on of eyes of my prose:

Name: Hokkaido Hillbilly. No, I'm not an actual slack jawed yokel, and no, I'm not from Arkansas or have horribly bad buck teeth, but yes, I do live in the great white Northern tundra o' Japan and yes, I am from a southern state that rhymes with "Ennessee."

Age: 31 & change. I refuse to be labeled w/ the moniker of "middle aged" until I'm 40, & besides, I do way too many dumb things to be thought of as an adult. As you might gleam from the "About Me" blurb to the upper right, I'm a Pisces (and no, I DO NOT enjoy long walks on the beach...the beaches in Hokkaido are toxic waste hell holes and that shit is a bitch to walk on), born in the year of the rabbit (i.e. I have stupid, dumb luck like you wouldn't believe), and even though none of you have a clue who she is, according to Kazuko Hosogi (my wife's favorite astrologer, i.e. I watch her on TV, too) I'm an "Emperor (-)"...whatever that means.

Marital Status: As noted above, happily married to a wonderful, if somewhat quirky Japanese woman from Sapporo for the past 2 1/2 years. Sorry girls, I know you're all bummed out now. Yes, that's sarcasm talking. I'm so lucky to be married to this woman that it's ridiculous (especially seeing as I had a bad case of fear-of-commitment-itis during the 4 years we dated). I'm nowhere near Hunchback o' Notre Dame status, but I am one o' those "how the hell did he end up w/ her?" kinda guys, so I'm a pretty happy bunny...when she doesn't beat me *grin*

Job (1): Shougakkou Senzoku Eigo Shidoujyoshu. For all of you that don't speak furin' talk, that's just a fancy Japanese way of saying "Paid Dancing Monkey for small Japanese children", i.e. Elementary School English Teacher. I mainly teach at 3 elementary schools, with occasional stints at the town kindergarten (cuteness personified to the point where you just wanna puke) and Jr. high (which I somewhat dread going to. Was I really that much of a dork at that age? Wait...don't answer that question...) One school I teach at out in the boonies has 9 kids. Yeah, you read that right. Nine children in the entire school (would really like to use a certain NSFW word between "entire" and "school" that rhymes w/ "ducking" right now, but family members may be reading...my apologies). A 1st grader, a 2nd grader, two 3rd graders, two 4th graders, no 5th graders & three 6th graders. They show up barefoot in their cute little overalls & buck teeth and I larn 'em sum Anglish. No, seriously though, their great kids, and it's my favorite school to go to, even though it has no wireless Internet access. Kinda sucks big ol' donkey balls that the powers that be're gonna shut the place down & ship the kids to the big (350 ankle biters), new school in town. Sigh.

Job (2): Translator/Proofreader for a media company in Sapporo, but...shhhh ...don't tell anybody! It's sortuva no-no to moonlight according to my teaching gig contract, but then again, nobody that I work w/ here in town actually speaks English, so I guess I can blab it out as much as I want to here! Score!

Time in Japan: Way too damn long. I would think that almost 7 years would be enough to pay for my crimes to humanity by now. I wasn't always here in Crazy Demented Watermelon, Rice & Freaky Cave That Looks Like Mouldy Bread Town, mind you. I was in slowly, but ever so surely dying Glider & Cosmos Flower City for 2 years before that and We Like to Ride Sleighs & Whip Big Horses City as a translator/interpreter/"internationalizer o' the community" for 3 years before that. I really wish that I could live in Airplane & Shroom Town, if for no other reason than that they have a kick-ass town mascot. Then again, that town's only about a 10 minute drive from here, so maybe that's close enough.

What does this say about me? 1) Yes, I am a masochist. 2) I've been here almost as long as I was in college (the best 7 years o' my life for a double major and 2 minors!) 3) Is this some sorta pattern emerging here? 4) #'s 2 & 1 are probably related somehow.

*We interrupt this blog to bring you a public service announcement: Yes, I speak Japanese & can get myself into & out of trouble quite easily in said devil's tongue, but take a look at the "hobbies" part of the "All About Me" section. Although you'll find that I have quite an interest in females of the Asian persuasion (hey, I married one after all, although sadly not involved in porn), you'll notice nothing about manga or anime or any kind o' foolishness of the sort (as my Dad would say). Sazae-San is about as far as I go down that path, which is sad enough as it is. I am enough of a geek as it is with computers, video games and home theatre equipment. I do not need to "bring it up a notch" to the all out maid cafe and otaku level. If that's what you're into and Pikachu melts your butter, more power to ya brothers and/or sisters, but please don't ask me about it, for a) I could really give a rat's ass and b) um...see a). :)

Ok, now where were we...oh...Best. Movies. Evar: Blazing Saddles, Trainspotting, Tampopo, Lost In Translation (although if you've never been to/lived here in Happy Land, you probably won't get it), Osohshiki (The Funeral), Tonari no Tottoro (My Neighbor Tottoro in English. Stop laughing. Now. And no, I'm not gay and even though it's technically anime, it's a kick ass movie, so shut up).


Alright, all the time we have for now boys & girls. Translations from my double-secret probation part-time gig await, and as my sweet little southern grandma used to say, "They laws!" this has turned out one helluva long post. Stay tuned for more, where I'll regale you with more on life as a token white guy.

Boys be ambitious, onigiri be delicious,



HH ;)

Whew! A few cob webs in here, huh?

Yowza...been a while huh?

So for all what...3 of you who look at this thing, life is going swell in Tohma and summer is officially here! 25 days of sun & fun and...BASEBALL PRACTICE EVERYSINGLE FRIGGIN' DAY!!!

Yeah, now that I'm up here in rice & watermelon land, I figured I needed one more thing to keep me busy, so I'm coaching little league baseball to 3rd & 4th graders. Japanese kids don't necessary have a baseball season per se, but rather practice throughout the entire friggin year. 5 times a week during the school year and everyday during the summer. Sheesh.

Gotta love that samurai spirit, huh?

Anyhoo, now that I've gotta little free time on my hands and we've officially been in Tohma a year, I figure it's time to come outta my cave, both 'Net wise & socially in the real world, so I'll try to keep this up to date on a much more regular basis (i.e. I promise there'll be another update before next year *grin*)

EDIT: Oops, guess that didn't happen...

Gone Fishin'

Travelling around Hokkaido this week w/ my buddy Ed, but will try to update on the road.  Moblogging, here I come, baby!