Monday, January 22, 2007

Nothing says quality like underwear in a ziploc bag

This past weekend was nice, but way too short. M & I saw Marie Antoinette & spent entirely too much money on some sorta weird pachinko-esqe Monopoly game Saturday night, with a stop over at a beef bowl place on the way home. Sunday saw us head to UniQlo (the Japanese equivalent of Old Navy), Yoshinoya for more beef bowls, donuts and grocery shopping.

Yes, I've been on a bit of a beef bowl kick lately, and besides, they're finally serving that holiest of holies, wonderful, scrumptious, mad cow disease ridden American beef! Oh thank you God for what I have partaken of. For those of you who've been under a rock or just on the other side of the pond for the last few years, there was a ban on American beef in Japan from 2001 until sometime last year due to the finding of a cow w/ BSE on US soil a few years back. Now keep in mind the following:

a) There's been over 20 instances of mad cow disease in Japan in the mean time (mainly here in Hokkaido) and people are still tripping over themselves to eat ridiculously expensive Japanese beef.
b) Nasty ass, tough, dry Aussie beef flooded the market in the meanwhile. Safe? Maybe. Tasty? Are you kidding me?

I grew up on a ranch, raised and ate my own calf (damn Zuki was tasty!) and know that BSE testing in the states is dodgy at best, but baby, oh baby was I happy to indulge in a little USDA Grade D (suitable for cafeterias & prisons, mind you!) ;)

Anyhoo, where was we...ah yeah, the title of this post. So while we were at UniQlo, I picked up a few...let's just call 'em...male delicates. Yes, I do believe I bought the male equivalent of lingerie. Now before you do a collective, "huh?" lemme explain.

See, living here in the tundra, it gets more than a tit nipply during the winter, so long johns, or as we like to call 'em, "jiji pants" are unfortunately sortuva must. The neat thing is that UniQlo has this really cool body compression/"under armor" -esqe long underwear series that doesn't make me look entirely like a 50 something Japanese retiree and keeps me nice & toasty when I go boarding. Score! They even come individually wrapped in ziploc bags! How cool is that, huh? Even the underwear in Japan is high tech! ;)

And wearing these things? Let's just say that if you can get your hands on some UniQlo "Body Tech" undies, you'll be a) extremely warm and b) slightly confused. Why, dear reader, would one be slightly confused over a long sleeve undershirt? Well, they've got some sort of compression strap thingamajig sewn into the back that automatically pops your chest out. If you ever wanted to know what a cross your heart bra feels like, guys, here's your chance. "Look at my many bulging chest! I'm a manly man!"

The only bad thing about my new skivvies is that they are skin-fucking-tight. In the Hillbilly household, this is not a good thing, as they reveal the location of certain useless male chest nubbies in obscene detail to a certain person (let's call her my wife) who has a fetish for poking said useless male chest nubbies when I least expect it. Ah, but that's a story for another day...

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