Wednesday, February 28, 2007

昼寝したーぃ・・・zzzz ・ Oh God, I could use a na....zzzz

給食を食べて、お腹がいっぱいになった。

職員室は温かくて心地いい。

結構暇だ。

ちょっとだけ寝不足。

=ものす~んごく眠たい。誰か助けて・・・

Full tummy from lunch.
+
Warm, cozy staff room.
+
Kinda bored.
+
A bit of a lack o' sleep.

=Me about to pass out. Please somebody help me...

Monday, February 26, 2007

ビーーーーフ! ・ BEEEEEEEEEEF!

Much more coherent & interesting English below...

まず、皆さんのバースディメッセやコメントやメールをありがとうね。本当に、本当に最高な誕生日だった。

注意:以下は正直・・・ちょっと長いっす。書いた時に頭はグルグルしていたからちょっとバラバラな日記になっちゃいました。orz

土曜日: 天気は晴れて、ちょっとだけポカポカで、昼からMさんと一緒に出かけました。最初マックに行った。

ずーと前から「メガ・マック」を試したかったけど各店の毎日売れる限定があるからいつも「すみませんが今日はもう売り切れです」。今日もなければフレッシュネス・バーガーに行こうと決めて、一か八かやってみた。

さすが誕生日でしょう。まだありました!ラッキー!

ジューシーで、かなりボリュームあり・・・ニク~ゥッ!って感じ。食べ終わったら100%満足満腹マンでしたもん。

次、今年の誕生日プレゼントとして、Mさんは任天堂Wiiを買いあげたかったから大型箱型電気屋さんに行ってみた。無し。次の店もない。実は旭川にでこにもないっす、そんなに大人気だ。

Mさんはちょっとガッカリだったが僕は全然問題なかった・・・だって、僕にとって一日中一緒にいてくれるのは十分嬉しかった。Wiiは後でいつでも買えば良い、そしてゲームやプレゼントより一緒に過ごせる時間の方が大事です。:)

とりあえず、Wiiを買うことにギブアップして、大きいショッピング・センターに行って、大好きな輸入食品店に立ち寄った。この店に行くといつも買いすぎますが今日は誕生日だから特に買いすぎました。

なんと:

  • ベーグル (!)
  • 高級ポテトチップス (!!)
  • ハワイのコナ・コーヒー (!!!)
ワウ!

しかもそれだけじゃなくて、夜にMさんはバースディ・ディナーを作ってくれました!僕の誕生日の為にMさんはいつもステーキを料理してくれるけど今年は本当に特別でした。

はい。神戸牛でした。

焼きすぎにしたくなかったからちょっとレイヤだったが全然問題なかった。口の中で味はシュワ~っとして、ものすごく美味しかった・・・が、去年の誕生日食べた美瑛牛に比べて、そんに変わらないかもしれない。やっぱり北海道は最高だべ。;)

日曜日:完全「アメリカ人」の気分でした。お父さんからもらったスーパー・ボールを見たり、ビールを飲んだり、ポテトチップスを食べた。

外から普通の教員住宅みたいかもしれないけど中はやっぱり時々「プチアメリカ」だね。

コメントは下 ・ ホーム ・ メール

=====================================================

First off, a big thanks to everyone for all the birthday messages, mails & comments. It was defo one of the better birthdays I've had in a while!

Secondly, my apologies but this is a bit of a long post. Lots o' brain farts and disconnected thoughts went into this one, so...well, you've been warned. ;)

Saturday: For the first time in a while, nice & sunny and even a tad bit warm as M & I set out during the early afternoon. First stop: Micky D's.

I'd been wanting to try the big "Mega Mac" (a Big Mac w/ 4 instead of 2 beef patties) for a while, but supposedly each store has a limit to how many they can sell each day, and everytime I've tried to buy one it's always been, "Sorry, we've sold out for the day." We figured we'd still give it a shot though, and if no Mega Macs, we'd head to Freshness Burger.

No sell outs today, baby! Yes, birthday luck was on my side and I was finally able to get my grubby little paws on giant McFat burger. Beef...salt...cheese...grease....*slobber*

Next up was a trip to our local big box electronics store. M had been bugging me forever as to what I wanted for my birthday, and I couldn't really think of anything other than a Nintendo Wii. Surprisingly enough though, she said "OK" and we were all set to get our Wii on...until we got to the store, that is.

Turns out that nobody has any Wiis. Not the big box retailers, not the malls, not Toys R Us and none on line. Nada. Gee, thanks for hyping us up with all the commercials for nothing, Nintendo.

M was pretty bummed out as she really wanted to get it for me but I certainly didn't mind that much. I mean, we can pick one up later, right? Besides, as corny & mushy as it may sound, just being able to spend a nice Saturday afternoon out together was enough to make me happy.

Giving up on trying to find Nintendo's latest hell spawn, we headed over to Asahikawa's big shopping mall and to my favorite foreign foods store. We always end up spending way to much money in this place, but seeing as a) it was my birthday and b) I think M wanted to make up for not being able to get me a Wii, we really went whole hog this time. Our shopping list included:

  • Bagels (!) ⇒ Always a favorite, and a must buy when we can find 'em
  • Terra Potato Chips (!!) ⇒ Expensive, but the best chips on Earth & worth every yen
  • Hawaiian Kona Coffee (!!!) ⇒ Oh God...so good, but you don't even wanna know how much we ended up paying for a measly 200g
After a quick coffee @ Tully's (Cause Starbucks is overrated) we were off to the grocery store to pick up supplies for my big birthday dinner. Last year M fixed me this amazing Biei beef steak that was out of this world and we were planning on having it again this year, but fate was to throw a bit of a wrench in the works. Turns out that that they only had one Biei steak, so that was a no go. What ever were we to do? Well, we just had to bite the bullet and go with the alternative...

Friggin' Kobe beef baby!

Yeah, that Kobe beef...the one where they massage the cows and feed 'em beer so that the meat ends up marbled like you wouldn't believe. Like to the point where M said that as she was putting it in the pan to cook, it started melting in her hand just from body heat.

With a piece of beef like this that you can really only afford to eat maybe once a year if you save up for it, we sure as hell didn't wanna overcook it. It turned out a bit rare, but that certainly wasn't a problem for me, as the second it went in my mouth it...just...wow, hard to describe. If you can imagine a slowly expanding cloud of the most amazing beef you've ever tasted multiplied by about 50 inside your mouth, that kinda comes close.

To be really & truly honest, it wasn't that much different from the Biei beef we had last year, and I think M was a bit disappointed, but I was sure as hell a happy boy. :)

Sunday: Day 2 of the big birthday weekend celebration and "Manly American Man" day. *grin*

Seriously, I felt more American on Sunday than I have in a long, long time. And why would that be?

  1. I towed M's car out of the ice & charged her battery since she hasn't driven it in so long (ok, admittedly nothing to do w/ being American, but certainly manly, nonetheless)
  2. I was finally able to watch the Super Bowl tape that my Dad sent me, complete with the commercials (although sadly the "beard combover" Sierra Mist spot was the only real winner this year)
  3. I had a Corona & ate my ridiculously expensive Terra Yukon Gold potato chips with real cheddar cheese & Tennessee Sunshine hot sauce.

Oh yeah...sure it may look like your normal Japanese teachers housing on the outside, but every now & then it's Little America on the inside, no doubt about it.

Wonder what next year'll bring?

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Happy Birthday To Me!

今日はさらにおっさんになっちゃいました。

そうだべ・・・もう32才だ。

実は時差を考慮したら、明日の午前5時半くらい(日本の時間)まで31だけどまあ・・・十分近いだ。

今日は何の誕生日プレゼントをもらう?♪ もしかしてまた憎悪発言のコメントかな~

Well, today I slip yet even further into the depths of middle age. Yup. I'm now 32.

I mean, technically with the time difference & whatnot I won't officially be 32 until 5:30AM-ish (JST) tomorrow morning, but oh well...close enough. ;)

Wonder what kinda birthday present I'll get this year? Another hate-speech comment perhaps? *grin*

Friday, February 23, 2007

おお・・・初「憎悪発言」のコメント! ・ Woot! My First Hate Speech Comment!

You'd better believe there's gonna be English for this one...

今日は以下の匿名のコメントをもらいました:

「糞外人は日本から出て行け。」

日本にいるの8年間の間に初めてだ。運が向いてきたようだね。(笑)

返事した方が良い?消した方が良い?仕方ない・・・返事しましょう:


匿名さんへ、

わざわざこのブログを読んでくれて、そしてコメントを書いてくれてありがとうございます。

しかし、貴方のコメントに応えて、あいにくですがそんなのは問題外です。

信じないかもしれないけど実は日本が大好きです。そうじゃなかったら何故もうそろそろ8年間日本に住んで、日本の女性と結婚をしますか?

いやが応でも、外国人と「○○系日本人」はますます現代日本社会の一部です。

それに人間は人間です。顔や肌色は違うかも知れないけど骨身は皆同じでしょう?

個人的に人種差別を許さないから「驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル」を見た時に腹を立っていました。人種差別主義はだれも助かりません。同意しないでしょうか?

改めて、コメントを書いてくれてありがとうございます。日本語でも英語でも、お返事を待ちしています。

敬具

コメントは下へ ・ ホーム ・ メール

=============================================

Earlier today I found the following anonymous comment on my previous post about the foreign crime mook (translation mine):

"Get the hell outta Japan you fucking foreigner"

In the nearly 8 years that I've been in Japan this is defo a first. Guess it's my lucky day. *grin*

Should I write back? Should I just delete it and not give this guy the satisfaction of a reply?

Ah, what the hell, let's give this dude a response:


Dear Anonymous,

First off, thank you for going out of your way to find this blog and go so far as to make a comment.

However, in response to your comment, I'm afraid that's somewhat out of the question.

You may not believe it, but I actually love Japan. Why would I have lived here for nearly 8 years and married a Japanese woman otherwise?

Whether you like it or not, foreigners and foreign-born naturalized Japanese are more and more a part of modern Japanese society.

Besides, people are people. Faces and skin color may differ, but underneath we are all flesh and bone, are we not?

Personally, I abhor racism and as such became quite upset when I viewed "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime". Racism benefits no one, would you not agree?

Once again, thank you for your comment, and be it in Japanese or English, I look forward to hearing from you again.

Sincerely,



Hokkaido Hillbilly

Thursday, February 22, 2007

驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイルと「ブログの力」 ・ Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime & "Blog Power"

English down below somewhere...

この間、「驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル」と言うムックについて色々な日記を書きました。なぜそんなに怒っていた?

まず、ここにクリックしたらすぐ分かると思う。

ひどいでしょう?

「外人は日本語が読めないから日本語だったら何でも書いていいんじゃない?」

違います。日本の英知出版たち・・・今度こういう風な人種差別的な報道を出版したいなら覚えてください。

ありがたいことにもう販売していないけど売り切れたのせいじゃなくて、「ブログの力」だから。

terrette.blogspot.comの「Blog Power Strikes In Japan」(ブログの力が日本に到着)と言う記事で僕より上手く説明しているけど(英語のみすみません)一般的に、在日外国人はこのムックについて激怒してて、沢山のブログで情報交換をして、コンビニの販売を止めさせた。

ブログってすごくない?ちゃんと使えばかなり力がありますね。

コメントは下へ ・ ホーム ・ メール

===================================================

Near the beginning of the month, I made a few posts about the "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime" mook, but some of you may be wondering why I was so pissed off about it.

Well, thanks to a fastidious Flickr user, you can now click here & see why.

Pretty nasty, huh?

"Ah...foreigners are incapable of reading Japanese, so as long as it's in Nihongo, they'll never know the difference!"

Um, wrong guys. To all the Eichi Publishers of Japan: please remember what's happened here the next time you wanna publish racist crap like this.

There's a great article on "Blog Power Strikes Japan" over at terrette.blogspot.com that explains this whole flap about 10 million times better than I ever could, but the gist of it is that once the foreign community in Japan got wind of it, a ton of bloggers started exchanging information and getting the word out, and before you could say "Holy J-Racism, Batman!", sales of this little piece of hate speech were stopped.

Stupid, little ol' blogs sure are somethin', huh? It just goes to show the power of blogs for social change when used correctly. It kinda boggles the mind at what they could be used for next.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

僕の教え子は最高! ・ Man, I Love My Kids

English below...

昨日は○○小学校でH18年度の最後3・4年生の英語活動だった。お疲れ様僕 (笑)

この子供たち、特に4年生は本当にすごいです。英語の発音は綺麗だし、ちゃんとVやLやRができる様になっている。その上に、「I play ○○」、「I do ○○」と「I ○○」ができる様になった!たとえば、「What sports do you play?」(どんなスポーツをしますか?)と聞かれたら、「I play swimming」や「I play ski」じゃなくて、ちゃんと「I swim」や「I ski」や「I do kendo」!

中学生の教え子でもこれがまだ分かってない!

やっぱり僕の教え子は最高!

コメントは下 ・ ホーム ・ メール

=================================================

Yesterday was the last class of the school year for my 3rd & 4th graders at ○○ Elementary, and man, do these kids, especially the 4th graders continue to surprise me.

Not only is their pronunciation getting better all the time, i.e. they're actually beginning to be able to say their r's, l's and v's, they've actually started to pick up on verbs! For example, unlike most kids here in Happy Land, when you ask them, "What sports do you play?", they don't say odd things like, "I play swimming" or "I play ski", but rather, "I swim" or "I ski" or "I do kendo."!

My jr. high kids haven't even mastered this stuff yet!

Man, I love my kids. :)

Monday, February 19, 2007

僕は裏切り者かな~ ・ I've Sold Out To The Man

皆さんが気付かないかも知れないけど、学生ローンを払い戻すサポートの為に今日はページの上、中右、下の方にJ-Listのアフィリエイト報告を載せちゃいました。正直にあまりお金を貰わないけど是非、クリックしてみてね!

その上に、ペイ・パルの「学生ローンを払い戻すの献金」ボタンも作りました。気前の良い感だったらよろしくお願いします!orz

I've been J-Listed! And as you may (or may not) have noticed, I've placed 3 affiliate ads for them in a few spots around the site to (hopefully) add a little bit more to my monthly student loan payment. J-List is a really cool company that specializes in weird, crazy stuff that can be only found in Japan, including t-shirts, candy, WordTank electronic dictionaries, Japanese porn & more. For those of you here in happy land, you're unfortunately limited to the more PG rated side of the site thanks to Japan's lovely censorship laws, but those of you anyplace else are free to check out the naughtier side free of the dreaded mosaic.

In anycase, give one of the ads a click, buy some stuff, and help me kick my student loan in the ass! (to be perfectly honest, I doubt that any commissions I make will amount to much, but I promise to blog about it if anything good happens!)

As well, I've also added a "Help Me Pay Off My Student Loan" PayPal button, so if you're feeling generous, feel free to donate 5 yen, 5 dollars or however much you'd like, and know that you're helping someone to get out from under the crushing weight of debt!

Thanks!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

第一回目の面白い統計 ・ Interesting Statistics Part I

English here

このブログを始まった時に「家族と2・3人の友達以外、誰も読まないかな~」と思った。

ブッブー

もちろん、ミクシィのお蔭様で日本国内の色々な人はこのサイトに遊んで来てくれたがsitemeterによると、結構国際的なブログになった。例えば、今まで、以下の国からこのブログがアクセスをされた:

  • 日本、韓国、アメリカ、カナダ、シンガポール、アイルランド、メキシコ、フランス、イギリス、ニュー・ジーランド、オーストラリア、中国、インド、マカオ、ドイツ、デンマーク、マレーシア
そして「検索」も面白いよ。誰かがGoogleやYahoo!やGooで以下の検索して、僕のサイトを見つけた:
その上に、全く分からないけどこの日本のポルノバナーサイトで僕のブログがリンクをされた。何で?

これからもっと面白い統計を楽しみにしている!

コメントは下へ ・ ホーム ・ メール
===============================

When I first started this blog, I figured that the only people who'd end up reading it would be my family in the US and maybe a few friends.

Wrong-ola!

I mean, sure...I've got a bunch of hits from people in Japan thanks to Mixi, but according sitemeter, my little blog that could has taken on a bit of an international flavor. For example, people from the following countries've darkened my doorstep:
  • Japan, USA, Canada, South Korea, Singapore, Ireland, Mexico, France, UK, New Zealand, Australia, China, India, Macau, Germany, Denmark, Malaysia
The searches that people've used to get here via Google, Yahoo! & other search are pretty entertaining, too:
  • 驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル」 ⇒ ("Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime") This is the one is by far the search I tend to get the most hits on. Hell, even FamilyMart checked me out via this phrase when everybody was threatening to boycott them if they didn't take this mag off the stands.
  • buying isopropyl alcohol in Japan Hokkaido」 ⇒ Huh? I have no idea.
  • hillbilly」 ⇒ Makes sense, I guess.
  • Japanese Penis Envy」 ⇒ My favorite by far. Whoever you are, thanks for stopping by & come back soon! ;)
One other interesting little tidbit of info is that for some reason, there's a Japanese porno banner site (NSFW) that links here. Why? I have absolutely no earthly idea, but hits are hits, so come back anytime, pervs!

Hoo boy...wonder what sorta stats I'm gonna come up w/ from now on...



Saturday, February 17, 2007

やっと週末だ ・ Thank you Jesus for weekends

English below, if for no other reason than that I've started thinking in Japanese first...

ワ~・・・週末だ!やった!

*踊っている*

月曜日は休日だったから普通より短かったが普通より忙しかった。そして風邪はまだ治っていないから結構疲れた。実は昨夜(金曜日)にこの日記を書くつもりだったがエネルギーのタンクは空っぽだった。

結果として、今日は珍しくに午前11時まで寝て、ちょっと元気になった。やっぱ週末って最高ね。

どれどれ・・・今週に面白かったことあったかな~

火曜日:一日中○○中学校で2年生のインタービュー・テストだった。同じ質問を何回も訊いたし、風邪はまだまだだったから正直にちょっと辛かった。「What's your name? Which do you like better...dogs or cats? Who's your favorite singer? When is your birthday? How old are you?」みたいな中学生レベル質問ばっかり。たまに「アーッ・・・だれか殺してください」と思った。分かったこと:①殆どの女子中学生は「花より男子」と言うテレビドラマが好き。②「I」先生(○○中学校の英語の先生)は英語を喋ると、ルーニー・チューンズの「Elmer Fudd」と同じくらいの発音がある(「Pwease tew me, when is youah buhfday?」とか)。昼からちょっと暇がありましたから道内住んでいる外国人・英語指導助手メールリストで「僕以外、ミクシィをやっている人いないのか?」のメッセージを送った。結局以外にいるからちょっとびっくりしたけど新しいマイミックいっぱいゲットしちゃった。そして夜に、大好きな「Southern Culture On The Skids」と言うバンドのミクシィのコミューも見つけた!「あるわけない」と思ったから超嬉しかった!

水曜日:バレンタイン・デイとインタービュー・テスト二日目。ありがたいことにギリチョコを貰わなかった(すごく嫌な感じだから)けど4人の教え子から手作りチョコを貰った(やった!)。

久しぶりに野球少年団段練習に行ったけど「K」先生は会議に出席していたから一人で指導した。準備体操の時に「じゃ皆・・・音楽を聴きたい人!」と訊いて、皆の子供達は「は~い!」・・・だけど再生したCDの曲はハードコアーラップ(50 Centとか)と「F・ワード」を使っているやつばっかり。子供たちはもちろん歌詞を分からなかったし、楽しく踊ったけどやっぱり僕は地獄に落ちる。

家に帰った時にサープライズが待っていた・・・奥さんは手作りチョコをいっぱい作ってくれたし、アメリカの両親から「バレンタインと誕生日ボックス」が届いた!

  
(アメリカのバレンタインお菓子)  (奥さんの手作りチョコ)

両親から届いた包みはアメフトのスーパー・ボールのビデオも入っていた!いいね・・・すごく愛されているを感じましたから最高なバレンタイン・デイだった。

木曜日:「小さな田舎の田んぼの中」小学校で授業を教えた。町の学校の中では、この小ちゃい、小ちゃい、児童9名しかいない学校は一番好きだ。1年生が一人。2年生が一人。3年生が二人。5年生が二人。6年生が3人。本当に「家族」みたいな雰囲気だ。給食を食べる時に、皆(校長先生、教頭先生と二人の担任の先生も)が一緒に食べるから他の学校と全く同じ給食なのに、他の学校の給食より100倍くらい美味しいだ。昼休みでも校長先生と担任の先生達は子供たちと一緒に遊ぶ。

残念ながら人数が少ないので4月に閉校となる。本当に寂しいです。今日は低学年の二人と一緒の最後の授業だったからお礼の手作りカードとチューリップが与えられた。泣きそうだったがチビ達の前で元気な顔をしなくちゃから我慢した。

その後、中・高学年の授業で数字を教えて、ビンゴ・ゲームをした。彼らは英語の1から10まで知っていたから今日は11から100までを教えた。他の学校では、クラスの人数は多すぎるからこういう風なレッソンは45分の間に無理だけどこの学校の児童はものすごく頭がいいし、勘がいいので3年生の二人でも全然問題がなかった。

給食と掃除が終わったら、昼休みの間ミニ・バレーを遊んて、あっという間に帰る時間になった。来週は中・高学年の最後の授業だからあまり楽しみにしていないっすね。:..(

金曜日:花金!先週の木・金曜日に風邪で休んだからその授業は今日の午前中を教えた。ハイテンションの授業しかできないし、3・4年生だったし、風邪はまだ100%治っていないから1・2・3・4時間目の授業が終わったら、声がつぶれて、かなり疲れた。

放課後に日教組の会議の陰様で野球少年団練習がなかったから旭川に行って、ちょっと買い物をした。腕時計のバンドは壊れたから「買い物公園」の時計屋さんで修理をさせて、近くのゲームセンターに首を突っ込んだ。珍しくに「太鼓の達人」を遊ばなかったが新しいNOVAの英語能力ゲームを一か八かやってみた。結果は全国の参加者の80%よりよくできたが母国語は英語だから正直にちょっとガッカリだった。

任天堂Wiiが欲しいし、「中古あるかな?」と思ったから帰る途中にリサイクルショップに立ち寄った。Wiiがなかったけど小売価格より高い中古PS3を見つけた。はぁ?お断りです。

土曜日:上に書いた様に、寝坊した。最近8時間以上あまり寝られないので僕にとってちょっと珍しい。「小包みが届いたよ!」を知らせる為に、アメリカに住んでいるママとパパにスカイプして、1時間半くらい話した(ところで・・・スカイプはすごくない?)。両親と話すと、彼らはいつも「いつ帰国して、大学院に入学するの?」。去年、「2007年の夏アメリカに帰る」と言っちゃったけど奥さんと話し合って、教育委員会の希望を配慮したら、実はもう一年間(2008年まで)日本にいることを決めた。奥さんと僕のアメリカに帰ることにつてすごく楽しみにしていたから僕は「今年じゃなくて、来年に帰国する」と言ったら、向こうはウェブカメラがないのにすぐガッカリしたが分かった。父ちゃん、母ちゃん、ガッカリさせちゃってごめんね・・・けどいつも、何でも、どこでも応援してくれてありがとう。

ここまで読んでくれたら、本当にお疲れ様でした。今回の日記はもちろん長すぎだけど色々について書きたかった、途中に止められなかった。もっと短い日記を書いたら読んでくれる人はもっとコメントを書いてくれるかな?

皆さんの一週間はどうでしたか?教えてね!

コメントを書きたいなら下へホームメール
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Yeah, baby! The weekend is here!

*Hokkaido Hillbilly does a little dance*

Although it was a bit shorter week than usual thanks to a holiday on Monday, I was busier than usual. Add that to the fact that I'm still not over my stupid cold, and by the time Friday night rolled around, I was shot. I had actually planned on writing this post last night (Friday), but by the time I finally sat down in front of the computer, I was running on fumes.

As a result, I ended up sleeping in...like really sleeping in, until 11AM today, so am thankfully feeling a bit more recharged. Oh, how I loves me some weekends.

Well, let's see...what all interesting happened this week...

Tuesday: Personal interview tests w/ the 8th graders at ○○ Jr. High pretty much all day. After asking the same questions over and over and still trying to deal w/ a nasty cold, I was hurtin'. Basic 8th grade English questions like, "
What's your name?" "Which do you like better...dogs or cats?" "Who's your favorite singer?" "When is your birthday?" "How old are you?" No idea how many times I thought to myself, "Oh God...somebody please kill me. Now." Things I learned out of this ordeal:

1) The favorite TV show of 99.9% of the 8th grade girls is "Hana Yori Dango", some teeny bopper drama featuring a bunch of rich, dreamy boys, i.e. hormonally challenged teenaged girls are the same everywhere.

2) Mrs. I, the 8th & 9th grade English teacher at this school talks like, and I kid you not, Elmer Fudd. "Pwease tew me when is youah buhfday?" I kept waiting for her to bust out with, "Kiew da wabbit, kiew da wabbit!" but unfortunately she never did.

3) Asking kids when their birthdays are isn't a problem, but most can't tell you how old they are. Student: "I'm...13...no, 14? 13......" (looks quizically at English teacher in a desperate bid for help). Mrs. I/Elmer Fudd: "Eyaz owd". Student: *unintelligible muttering*.

4) While the Jr. High kids have a bigger vocabulary, in general, my elementary school kids have a much better grasp of English.

In the afternoon, I had a bit of free time, so put out a message on the HAJET listserv asking, "Anybody besides me here do Mixi?". Amazingly enough, there's quite a few o' my fellow foreign barbarians up here in the Great White North w/ Mixi accounts, so I was a bit surprised but ended up with quite a few new friends. Later on that night, I was on Mixi again and just on a whim, figured I'd see if there was a Southern Culture On The Skids community, not really expecting many Japanese folks to be into surf-punk-rockabilly, but lo & behold, there're actually SCOTS fans here! Sweet!

Wednesday: Valentine's Day & interview tests day 2. As I wrote about a few days ago, I can't stand the whole idea of giri-choco ("obligation chocolates"), so thankfully I didn't get any...but I did get some goodies from 4 of my students (score!)!

Went to baseball practice for the first time in nearly a week, and since Coach K had to be at a meeting, it was just me in charge. During warm-ups, I asked the kids if they wanted to listen to some music, and they were up for it, so I popped in a CD and off we went. Oh, but this wasn't just any old CD...no, I just had to pick one consisting of mostly un-edited club type songs. 50 Cent in all his glory and other tunes with, shall we say...very colorful language. The kids (all 2nd & 3rd grade little boys) were all getting their grooves on and seemed to really like it, and I know that there's no way they could actually understand the lyrics, but yeah...looks like I'm defo going to hell.

Once practice was over & I got home, there was quite the surprise waiting...M had spent all day making me chocolates and Mom & Dad's Valentine/Birthday care package had arrived!


(US Valentine's Goodies) (M's Homemade V-Day Chocolate)

Not only that, but M&D put a tape of the Super Bowl in with the rest of the stuff! An overall 1st class Valentine's Day & I really felt loved.

Thursday: Taught classes at "Little BFE Surrounded By Rice Paddies" Elementary. Of all the schools in town, this one is by far the smallest, w/ only 9 kids and my absolute favorite. 1 1st grader. 1 2nd grader. 2 3rd graders. 2 4th graders. 3 6th graders. One teacher teaches the 2 little kids and another teaches the remaining 7 all in one class. Total family type of atmosphere and they treat me like a complete rock star whenever I go there. Instead of each class eating separately like at other Japanese schools, everyone there eats lunch together, including the Principal, Vice-Principal & both teachers. Even though it's the same school lunch that's delivered to every other school here in town, it always tastes about a million times better here (especially when one of the staff makes jam or pickles and brings it for everyone to share). After lunch and the kids've cleaned up the school (yeah, no school janitors on this side o' the pond...the kids do it all), even the Principal plays with the kids during recess.

Unfortunately, however, due to a lack of bodies and money, the town board of education is gonna close this wonderful little school down at the end of the school year, i.e. the end of next month and ship all the kids to the biggest school in town. This sucks big ol' donkey balls and I know it from personal experience, as my high school was closed down after I finished 10th grade. I hated having to drive 20 miles to school and I hate that these kids have to leave such a wonderful environment...but I digress.

Today was my last class with the 1st & 2nd grader, but we still managed to have a great time. These are fabulous, smart little kids and they've already pretty much mastered the alphabet...both upper & lower case, even! This may not seem like much to those of you outside Japan, but just keep in mind that 99% of Japanese aren't even introduced to roman letters until they're in 4th grade, and most of my Jr. High school kids still don't have a handle on lower case. See why I'm so proud? Anyway, we played ABC bingo and a "match the lower case letter to the upper case letter" puzzle and at the end of class, the 1st grader & the 2nd grader each gave me a card and a tulip. I really wanted to cry, but managed to hold it back and we all ended in smiles. :)

Next up were the 3rd, 4th & 6th grade kids & we played number bingo. The kids already knew 1-10 in English, so we flew through 11-100 and they devoured it like champs. In just about any of my other schools, it'd be impossible to teach this subject and play a full round of bingo in only 45 minutes due large class sizes and especially to lower grade levels, but not here. These're truly bright kids who pick up new concepts quickly, even the 3rd graders.

After lunch, we all played a spot of volleyball but before I knew it, it was time for me to leave, even though I didn't wanna go. Next week will be my last class here with the middle & upper grade kids, and even though I'll see them all again in April when they transfer to other schools in town, I'm really not looking forward to it 'cause I really don't wanna cry in front of 'em.

Friday: Taught make-up classes all morning at my base school for the ones I missed last week when I was home sick. Seeing as a) I'm completely incapable of doing a laid-back, low key lesson, b) I was teaching a bunch of noisy, rambunctious 3rd & 4th graders (who by the way are starting to have absolutely, amazingly beautiful pronunciation better than the Jr. High English teacher) and c) I'm not completely over my cold yet, my voice was just about gone and I was shattered by the time lunch rolled around.

Thanks to the teachers having some sorta union rally after school, Coach K canceled baseball practice so I headed into Asahikawa to do a little shopping. The band on my watch was broken, so after getting it fixed at a repair shop downtown, I poked my head into the nearby arcade. Didn't go for my usual round of "Taiko Drum Master", but I did decide to give a new English Challenge game a go. Took like 20 minutes to play, and I supposedly scored better than 80% of all the people in Japan who've played it, but...80%? And I'm a native English speaker? Hmm...maybe I have been here a tad too long...

I've been wanting a Nintendo Wii, so on the way home, I stopped at my favorite second-hand/recycle shop thinking they might have a used one. No Wii love, but they did have a used PS3 that was 3,000 yen more expensive than a new one. Huh? Um...thanks but I think I'll pass on that one.

Saturday: Like I said above, slept in. Recently, I physically can't sleep more than 8 hours so I was obviously a bit more tired than I thought. Hadn't let the 'rents know that their package'd arrived yet, so Skype'd (ain't Skype just a kick in the pants, BTW?) them and we had a good blather for nearly an hour & a half. Whenever I talk w/ my parents, the conversation eventually comes around to, "When're you gonna come home & get your MBA?". Up until last year, the answer had been "Probably summer of 2007", but after talking it over w/ M, taking into account how much the town board of education wants me to stick around another year and a whole helluvalot of soul searching, today's answer was, "Well, um...not this year, but summer of next year. While they don't have a webcam on their end yet (something they've been procrastinating about buying for the last year, no doubt in a ploy to get me come home & see them in person), I could hear it in their voices how disappointed they were. I hate feeling like I've let someone down and I defo felt that today. Mom, Dad...if you're reading this, I'm sorry I've dashed your hopes on the jagged rocks below, but I know you always support me wherever and whatever I do, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please believe me...M & I will be home soon enough. :)

Well dear reader, if you've gotten this far w/o saying "To hell w/ it" & clicking off somewhere else, you're a better person than I. I know this post is way too long (and it sure as hell took long enough to write in 2 languages), but once I got started stuff I wanted to write about just kept pouring out and it was like I couldn't stop typing.

Hmmm...there's a thought. Maybe if my blog entries were a tad bit shorter, people'd be more inclined to leave comments? (hint, hint)

Anyhoo, how was your week?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Screw White Day...I wanna celebrate Steak & A Blowjob Day

To kinda follow up on yesterday's all Japanese post, some post-Valentine's love for my English-readin' peeps.

As some of you may or may not know, Valentine's Day is a wee bit different here in Happy Land. Instead of the consumer orgy of roses, chocolates, diamonds & customized candy hearts that say "PLSE SWLW" that men are obligated to indulge in to placate their sweethearts, it's kind of the opposite in Japan.

On this side o' the pond, women tend to make elaborate, handmade chocolates and give them to their favorite guys. For example, yesterday M made me a big ol' strawberry chocolate heart, rocky road, white chocolate w/ coconut and another strawberry job w/ cranberries in it, and I got some other homemade goodies from some of the kids @ school who, I guess, like me enough to have gone out of their way to made me some stuff.

This whole chocolate giving thing is also a way for women to out of the blue tell a guy that they like them, as in, "Here's a 5kg chocolate heart I made for you...wanna date me?"

On the other hand is something called "giri-choco" or "obligation chocolate". This tends to be the crappier, store bought chocolate that women are pretty much expected to give to all the guys they work with, no matter how smelly or slimy, in order to maintain a sense of "harmony" in the workplace. Um...sure, whatever.

The dark side of this celebratory sugar fueled love fest though is a purely Japanese (and copied by the Koreans & Taiwanese, supposedly) invention that falls exactly one month later on March 14th called "White Day". White Day was pulled out of the collective ass of the Japanese candy industry back in the 60's as a way for Japanese men to repay the kindness of women who'd given them chocolates on Valentine's Day.

That's all well & good and only fair, I guess, but according to Wiki, while men originally gave marshmallows to their female suitors, over time this tradition has turned into yet another chocolate & jewelry buying frenzy.

"Huh? You gave me a crappy piece of bargain bin chocolate a month ago, so I'm now supposed to provide you w/ diamond studded earings?"

Clever little devils, those women & their demon candy-jewelry-flower industrial complex marketing henchmen.

Anyhoo, I was checking out The Hot Librarian this morning, and via a link in her comments section, found the perfect solution to the problems of both Japanese & American men everywhere. Ladies & gentlemen, I proudly present to you... (drum roll, please)

Steak and a Blowjob Day

According to the official website:

"March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. That's it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th. It's like a perpetual love machine!"

- Tom Birdsey (founder of Steak and Blowjob Day)
Ok, true, Japanese guys don't have it nearly as bad as their American counterparts, but work with me here. Hell, maybe they could even arrange an equivalent "Champagne Dinner & Hummer For The Girls Day" for all those poor forgotten Japanese women.

In anycase, you read it here first. March 14th...Steak & A Blowjob Day. Click on the link for more info. You know you'll be glad you did!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

チョコいっぱいもらった!やっぱ俺様はモテモテマンだべや! ・・・えっと~違うべや

Japanese only for this one, as it'd take way to long to explain in English. Maybe later when I don't need to really get to bed...

今日はバレンタイン・デイだったね。

皆知っていた?アメリカのバレンタイン・デイの祝いし方結構違います。もちろん子供達はお互いにバレンタイン・カードをあげますが向こうは社会人になったらルールがかなり変わる。付き合っているカップルはだいたいお互いにカードをあげますが実際には完全「女性の日」です。男性は女性に薔薇やチョコや宝石やできればその三つに合わせてあげる。

しないと、別れちゃうの可能性はかなり高いだ。

そしてホワイト・デイがない・・・Wikiによるとこの祝日は日本・韓国・台湾しか祝わない。

とにかく、個人的に相手が本当に愛している・好きなら、毎日毎日言って、告白して、実際に表現した方がいいと思うから正直にバレンタイン・デイは確かに僕の一番好きな祝日ではない。

そしてちょっと失礼かもしれないけど日本のバレンタイン・デイの「ギリ・チョコ」の伝統は特に・・・まあ・・・あまり好きじゃない。僕の考えではお土産とそんなに変わらないだ。

プレゼントをあげると、「あらっ・・・違う人を何かあげたから協調のために皆にプレゼントをあげなくちゃいけない」じゃなくて、本当に純粋な感じであげたい。

例えば、昨日奥さんに薔薇の花束をあげた。誰よりも愛しているだから。バレンタイン・デイだから普通よりちょっとおしゃれだったが愛情の表現としてよく奥さんに花をあげる。

そして今日は奥さんは僕の為に手作りチョコを作ってくれました。「やらなくちゃいけない」からじゃなくて、本当にやりたかったし、僕はどれくらい感動しているのが分かるから。

ところで・・・今日は4人の教え子からチョコをもらった。僕のこと「チョコをあげる好き」ほどすごく感動しているけどチョコより授業でもうちょっと頑張ったらもっと感動しているよ。 ;)

Happy Industry Manufactured Chocolate Day Part I!

Oh boy, here we go with the yearly orgy of homemade chocolate, confessions of love and broken hearted rejections.

Man, the Japanese chocolate industry sure has a pretty nice niche carved out for itself, seeing as how they've managed to con the whole of Japan into another fake holiday a month later on March 15th for "White Day".

One day for women and another for men to return the favor?

Bullshit, I say...Bullshit!

As any American knows, Valentine's Day is completely and entirely a holiday for women, and woe be to any attached male who doesn't buy his sweetie some combination of a) dinner, b) chocolate, c) roses or d) jewelry...and preferably all four of these.

Anyhoo, Boy Doctor is a Valentine's Baby today, so Happy Birthday if you're reading this, dude!

Sunday, February 11, 2007

A Mash-Up At A Japanese Wedding

English below...

レディオヘッドのファンの皆様・・・ださい駄じゃれすみませんが昨日は○○小学校の同僚の結婚式・披露宴に出席したから一日中その見出しについて考えました。許してね。 orz

とにかく、風邪は少し良くなったから昨日「花ちゃん先生(♂)」の結婚式に出席した。自分の結婚式を含めて・・・5,6回目(かな?)の日本の結婚式だから以下は期待通りだった:

1) 高かった(12,000円)。もちろん本州に比べてこれは激安いけど北海道の披露宴にとって結構高い。そしてアメリカの結婚式・披露宴は殆ど無料だから信じられないほどたかい。 ⇒ 向こうは、殆ど場合、新婦の両親は教会や式場費と披露宴費を支払ってくれる。披露宴の客さんはあくまでも会費を支払わないから1回目日本の披露宴に出席した時にかなりショックだった。

2) 男性の客さんの中に、半分くらいは白い靴下を履いていた・・・黒いスーツを着ていたのに。この中に半分くらいはおじさん達だったが20・30代の人も沢山いた。「ファッションの警察」になりたくないけどこれはすごく格好悪くない? 日本人の男たち・・・頼むよ。白いスーツ以外、黒い靴下お願いします。

3) 新婦と新郎は1回着替えした。他の披露宴に比べて少ないけど(今までの記録は4回)何でそんなに着替えなくちゃ? やっぱり時々日本はさっぱり分からない。

4) 「お祝いの言葉」のスピーチは多くて、長くて、殆ど誰も聞いてくれなかった。ありがたいことに教頭先生のスピーチは比較的に短かった。

しかし、その四つの点以外、ちょっとびっくりしたところもいっぱいありました。


まずは、実際の結婚式はすごく綺麗でした。式場の「教会」だから本当の礼拝堂かどうか分からないけどとにかく、懐かしくて、心地いい空間でした。ちゃんと教会の座席もあったし、結婚行進曲が始まったら本物協会のオルガンとフルートで演奏した。祭壇の上に美しいステンドガラスの窓もありました。各座席の前に聖書と賛美歌集でけがなかった。それ以外、完全「洋風教会」の雰囲気だった。

夫婦の退場の後にバラの花びらフラワーシャワーがありました(アメリカの場合「ライスシャワー」だけど日本ではこれは有り得ないかな?)。バラだったから結構いい香りだったが付随する音楽はジョン・レノンの「The Ballad of John & Yoko」だったからちょっと・・・変な感じだた。もちろん「結婚関係」の曲だけど教会内に「They're gonna crucify me!(
彼らは俺を十字架に張り付けるでしょう)」の歌詞は駄目な気がする。まあ・・・歌詞の意味は僕しか分からなかったはずだからいいんじゃない。

その後、同じ施設で披露宴が始まった。会場の高い
吹き抜けの天井で、完全「ヨーロッパの古いビルの地下高級レストラン」の感じだった。レンガとマホガニーのナイス・コンビネーションで本当に格好いい建築術の所でした。

新婦・新郎の挨拶とお祝いの言葉とケーキカットが終わったら、次は祝宴だった。びっくりした!今までの殆どの披露宴食事は同じ「ホテル宴会食事」だったが今回大分違いました。

だって、フルコースの「テゥレビエンフランス料理」ヤン!

何回も「高かった!」について不平を言っちゃったが祝宴のメニューは高級フランス料理のレストランとそんなに変わらないほど美味しかった。ほら・・・メニュー見てみて・・・

Amuse-Bouche (最初のお口直し)
パイで蓋をした日高産真つぶと茸のフリカッセ

Hors d'oeuvre (オードブル)
スズキのカルパッチョ・キャビア添え

Soupe (スープ)
小野菜入り鯛のコンソメスープ

Poisson (お魚)
天草産真鯛のポアレ・イベリコ豚のチョリソー・ソースブールルージュ

Granite (中間のお口直し)
オレンジとクランベリーのグラニテ

Viande (お肉)
留寿都産もち豚ヒレ肉のポアレ・リンゴの香り

Dessert (デザート)
びっくりなめらかチョコレート・イチゴのスープとバニラアイス・ウェディングケーキ

Pain et Cafe
自家製パンとコーヒー

すごくない?そして「シンジラレナイ」くらい美味しかった・・・特にイベリコ豚と「びっくりなめらかチョコレート」。

銀食器もいっぱい並べた。同じテーブルの先生達は最初の方ちょっとパニック状態でしたが殆どの皆は上手に使える様になったし、分からなかった時にちゃんと接客係に「次はどっちを使う?」と尋ねた。K先生(一緒に野球少年団を指導する先生)だけギブアップをして、デザート以外割り箸を使っちゃいながら「白いご飯とおかずを食べたい」と何回も不平を言った。

エンターテインメントも楽しかった。新婦さんは中学校の音楽の先生だから本人は「Ave Maria」のソロ演奏したし、彼女の友達もピアノとピアニカの演奏もしました。

新郎の友達も(と言うことで○○小の私たち)「アトラクション」をやりましたが確かにもうちょっと低いレベルでした。○○小の一人外国人として、僕はもちろん「英語番」でしたから司会の役をして、英語で他の先生達の「ウォター・ボイズ・ショー」を紹介した。後で、ウォター・ボイズ達が踊りながら、The Plattersの「Only You (and You Alone)」を歌いました。曲がちょっと間違えましたが英語だったから誰も分からなかったので問題なかった。ちこっと恥ずかしかったが楽しかったし、お客さんと新婦・新郎が笑っちゃったから良かったと思う。

結婚式をはじめ、6時間くらいをかかりましたからかなり長かったけど(この日記みたいね)、全面的に楽しい日曜日だした。

家に帰った時に、奥さんに僕の風邪うつっちゃったみたい。僕もまだ風邪ひいているけど、僕の方が元気だから、僕が看病する番だ。いつも奥さんに世話になっているから、ちょっとでも逆に僕が世話してあげられたら嬉しい。:)

コメントを書きたいなら下へ・ホームメール
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Apologies for the pun to all you Radiohead fans, but I went to a wedding yesterday and've had that title running around in my head all day. ;)

In anycase, my cold finally started to get better on Saturday night, so I was able to go to Mr. H's wedding yesterday afternoon. Including my own, this was what...like the 5th or 6th wedding I've been to in Japan, and as usual, the following went just as I expected it to:

1) At 12,000 yen (about US $100), expensive. For those of you outside Japan, it's slightly different on this side of the pond in that as a guest to somebody's wedding reception, you're expected to pay and help the happy couple cover the costs of the gig. While this is still ridiculously cheap compared to down in Honshu or the rest of Japan where you're looking at a minimum of 30,000 yen (for acquaintances, that is...expected amounts go up the closer you are to the couple) to get in the door, it's a little pricey for Hokkaido - where it's normally a set price between 6,000 and 10,000 for everybody. Well, that and there's the whole "I'm not used to having to pay to go to a wedding" thing.

2) Half the men there were wearing white socks with their dark suits. Of this group, probably about half were in their 50's or above and probably don't give a shit anyway, but that still leaves like 25% of the guys in their 20's & 30's! I don't wanna be Mr. Fashion Police, but WTF is wrong with these people? Do they not realize how bad this looks? Yes, Japanese fashion does boggle the mind at times.

3) During the reception, the bride & groom changed clothes once. When they first came in they were in the same get up as the ceremony, then midway came in some sort of Rhet Butler-Scarlett O'Hara Gone With The Wind tribute get-up. Compared to some of the other weddings I've been to here, they were relatively conservative w/the clothes changing. The record goes to one couple from a few years ago who might as well've just called their reception a fashion show as they changed clothes four different times - tux & wedding dress, then a southern cotillion number, then hakama & kimono, then another Gone With The Wind getup, then something else. Just one question...why? Is this a Japanese thing or just a woman thing? In anycase, I feel sorry for the guys, as it was bad enough at my own wedding trying to put on, then take off a hakama then get into a suit. Oi vey...

4) Too many overly long speeches by way too many people congratulating the happy couple while being listened to by hardly anybody. I realize that this is a part of Japanese culture, especially for old men to get up and have everybody listen to how important what they have to say is, but for God's sake, get to the point & make it short & sweet, people! The bride & groom would like to eventually leave and start their new lives ya know. At least the Vice Principal kept his toast relatively short.

However, other than these 4 points, I was rather pleasantly surprised at a few things this time around.

First off, even though everything was held in a place purposely built so couples can have a "western-style" wedding with all the bells and whistles, including a totally fabricated church and pastor who's no doubt not even Christian (hey, it's Japan...I guess it's not really supposed to make sense to foreign barbarians like me), the chapel where they had the actual ceremony was really nice. They had actual church pews (been a while since I've sat in one o' those) and a gorgeous stained glass window above the altar, and they played the wedding march on a full-on actual church organ with an accompanying flutist dressed in altar robes. Pretty much the only thing missing to let you in on the fact that you weren't in a real church was the lack of a bible and hymnal in front of every pew seat.

After the ceremony, there was a rose petal flower shower for the bride & groom (no rice showers here...at 40 bucks for 10kg bag, the shit's too expensive) which just smelled absolutely amazing, but the only drawback was the music accompanying it..."The Ballad of John & Yoko". Sure I guess you could technically call it a wedding song, and maybe it's just me, but there seems something seriously wrong about hearing, "They're gonna crucify me!" over & over in the chorus inside a supposed "church". Oh well, I'm probably the only one there who could actually understand the song anyway, so no harm, no foul, I guess.

Following this was the big reception just down the hall in the same building. Really cool room with high vaulted ceilings and brick & mahogany architecture that made it feel like some sorta posh restaurant in the basement of an old European building.

Once the bride & groom said their thank you's to everybody for coming, everyone and their dog had wished the happy couple well and the cake was cut, the servers swarmed the tables and dinner was served.

Oh boy, was it served...and not just any old left over dried up roast beef slapped on a plate either. This was a full-on 7 course French spread baby, consisting of, according to the fancy little menu provided:

Amuse-Bouche (preliminary palette freshener)
Fricasseed mushrooms in puff pastry

Hors d'oeurve
Sea perch carpaccio with caviar

Soupe
Sea bream & vegetable consomme

Poisson (fish course)
Red sea bream with pailette (cheese straw made from puff pastry & Parmesan), Iberian
pork sausage and sauce pour rouge (not sure what it was, but tasty, nonetheless)

Granite (secondary palette freshener)
Orange & cranberry sherbet

Viande (meat course)
Pork loin medallions with Parmesan, sauteed snow peas and rough mashed potatoes with
essence of apple.

Dessert
Chocolate fudge soufflé with vanilla ice cream and strawberry sauce, wedding cake

Pain et Cafe
Homemade bread and coffee

Ahh...it's a tough existence I lead. *grin* Jealous yet? I know M sure was when I got home and told her. ;)

There was a full spread of silverware laid out as well, and while the guys at my table sorta panicked at first, they did really well, even asking the staff which fork or spoon to use next when they didn't know. Only Mr. K (the guy I coach little league baseball with) pretty much gave up and used his chopsticks for everything other than desert while moaning about how he'd rather be eating rice & something more Japanese.

In anycase, I know up until this point I've bitched and moaned about how expensive Japanese weddings are, but this was honestly the first time I've felt it was almost worth it. Hell, you'd probably pay a lot more than 12,000 yen for a meal like this in nice French restaurant so I guess I can't complain that much.

The entertainment wasn't that shabby either. The New Mrs. H is a junior high school music teacher and graced all of us with a solo performance of "Ave Maria" and a few of her friends put together a little ensemble on piano and a few melodicas.

The groom's friends (namely those of us from ○○ Elementary) also had an act, but ours was decidedly a bit more low brow...

As the only foreigner at work, I of course had to do something in English, so I came out to the Blues Brothers' theme and acted as the MC, working up the crowd. On my mark, I introduced the other teachers, who bust in to the room wearing nothing but skin tight swim trunks, goggles and swim caps, and proceeded to do a synchronized swimming routine reminiscent of Water Boys. Sometime after this, I sang "Only You" by The Platters to the happy couple in the most god-awful cheeziest voice I could conjure up while the other teachers did their synchronized swimming routine. I actually messed up the lyrics a bit, but nobody in the room other than me understood English so no biggie, I guess.

At nearly 6 hours from start to finish, including the ceremony and reception, it was defo a long day, but overall, one of the best weddings I've been to in a while and certainly not a bad way to spend an otherwise cold Sunday afternoon.

The only sorta downer of the day was when I got home and it turned out that M had uncharacteristically picked up my cold (she almost never gets sick when I do). Even though we're both sick now, seeing as how I'm feeling slightly better, looks like it's my turn to play nurse for a bit. Not like I mind though...she always takes good care of me, so it's nice to return the favor every now & then.

Ah, the ups & downs o' marriage, eh?

Top・Mail me!


Saturday, February 10, 2007

おばあちゃんはファンキーになる ・ Granny Gets Jiggy Wid It





ごめんね・・・これは面白すぎるから我慢できなかった。そして初YouTubeのリンク!やった!

Sorry...this is too good that couldn't help myself & had to share. And hey, it's my first ever YouTube link! Woohoo! (wonder how long it'll be till I get a DMCA nastygram over this one...)

Thanks to Joi Ito's Vox blog for this one!

Some Love For The English Speakers Out There

I finally realized that scrolling down to each English post was a bit of a pain in the ass, so I've added page jumps for all the longer bilingual posts.

For the few people that actually read this thing, sorry 'bout that :( I promise it won't happen again.

日本では無理でしょう / This'd Never Work In Japan


English below...

まぐれで、今朝、del.icio.usで「Open Loops」と言う面白いブログを見つけた。

恐らく、夜遅くまで残業をすることより午前中集中的に働くことの方が効果的だそうです。

アメリカ人の僕にとってこれは当然だ。何回も「何で日本人はそんな残業をするか?」と思った。日本では「無駄は駄目!」をよく聞きますが仕事ができたら、課長や部長や社長が帰るまで働かなきゃは無駄じゃない?

やっぱり日本とアメリカのビジネス文化は全然違うから日本ではこれはあり得ないでしょう?


Just by dumb luck this morning, I ran across an interesting blog called Open Loops via del.icio.us.

According to the guy who writes it, supposedly focusing all your energy on getting tasks done during the morning is a lot more effective than putting in overtime till all hours of the night.

Now, to me as an American, this seems only logical. I don't know how many times I've wondered, "Why the hell do so many Japanese put in so much overtime?" There's always so much emphasis in Japan about 'cutting out waste' but if you've finished your work, yet can't go home until the boss leaves isn't that a form of "waste"?

I guess that business culture in Japan & the US are just two entirely different animals and that this line of thought would never work here, right?

I still have a cold & Joi Ito doesn't like me :(

ごめんね・・・今回は英語のみですorz

Well, day 3 of the Great Cold o' 2007 began when I woke up at 6:30AM this morning. Just, "BAM" eyes open, I'm up and proceed to cough up half a lung. Such a lovely image, huh? Thank you Jesus for sweet, sweet Thera-Flu & NyQuil and for relatives that'll send the stuff to me from across the pond seeing as I can't get the stuff here. Supposedly it's somewhat illegal since it could technically be used to set up a meth lab or something. Ooohhh...guess I'm committing yet another "unspeakable foreign crime"!

In anycase, Joi Ito is one of my favorite bloggers, a big jet set tech guru, pals with the folks over at BoingBoing and even if he is a vegan *grin*, one of my idols. This guy is a true self-made businessman, the kinda person I'd really like to be one o' these days...but I get the idea that he doesn't really care for me too much.

Turns out that Joi's spoken out about the whole expose on unspeakable foreign crimes flap as well, so I figured I'd leave a comment on his site. Nothing nasty or anything, just saying that I really appreciated someone as influential as him speaking out about it, and wondering if he could possibly get BoingBoing to cover it as well.

Guess he didn't appreciate it or something, as comments to his site are all moderated and mine was rejected. Oops.

Throw me a bone here, Joi...what'd I do wrong?

Friday, February 09, 2007

ファミリー・マートへ、ようこそ! / Howzit Hangin' There Family Mart?


English below...

奇蹟の復興を遂げなくて、まだ具合が悪いのに、今朝ちゃんと学校に行きました・・・

・・・が

すぐ「今日の授業は来週ができるから帰りなさい!」と言われちゃったから今日もまだ風邪、また休みました。仕方がないけど、楽しい3連休に「バイバイ!」と言った方がいいかな。

とにかく、30分前くらい、サイトメータのアカウントをチェックした時に面白いデータを見つけた:

Domain Name: Unknown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 2:14PM
Referring URL: (長いリンクだからここをクリックしてください)

そしてその前、

Domain Name: Unkown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 11:43AM
Referring URL: (長いリンクだからここをクリックしてください)

問題です: *チャージャッ*

第一問) 何でファミリー・マートは「外人犯罪」と「外人犯罪裏ファイル」を検索している?
第二問) 何で僕のブログを読んでいる?
第三問) 何でコメントを書いてくれなかった? ;)

でも冗談抜きには、ボイコットの脅威が分かったから、ファミリー・マートは自主的に「驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル2007」の販売を中止した。かれらは「このずうずうしい外人達は本当にボイコットをするかはったりを言っているか?」と思って、確認しているかな?さあね・・・さっぱり分からないけどファミリー・マートさん、今度少なくてもコメントを書いてください。

そうですね・・・忘れちゃった。このムックはamazon.jpで、まだ販売中だから昨夜「何でこういう風な人種差別的な本を売りたいですか?」のメールを送った。残念ながら僕の日本語能力は足りないし、ちゃんと敬語的な手紙が書けないから英語でメールしましたが今日はお返事が届いた。

「お客様の為にできるだけ幅広いセレクションと色々な観点を提供したい」と答えたから結局販売を続きます。お返事ありがとうございますが納得できない。人種差別は最低だ、そしてそういう風な本を販売している店を応援したくないから、しばらくamazon.jpから何も買わないと思う。

最後に、JapanProbeJapan Today毎日新聞(英語版)によると「外国人犯罪」は2005年度に比べて16.2%に減少したが毎日新聞日本語版の記事はかなり違う見出しがありました。

おーい!毎日新聞!「我々ずうずうし外人」も日本語が読めるよ。

コメントで説明してくれませんか?


Unfortunately I didn't have any kind of miraculous recovery upon waking up this morning and even though I still felt like absolute crap, I still dragged my ass into work...

...where I was promptly told "Um...we can re-schedule your classes for next week. Go home!" So I'm still sick and home once again. Guess I can kiss my funfilled 3-day weekend "bye-bye!"

Anyhoo, looking at my sitemeter account a while ago, I found the most peculiar entries:

Domain Name: Unknown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 2:14PM
Referring URL: (the link is obnoxiously long, so click here)

and previous to that,

Domain Name: Unkown
IP Address: ***.***.***.# (FamilyMart Co., Ltd)
Time of Visit: Feb 9, 2007 11:43AM
Referring URL: (another obnoxiously long link, so click here)

Ok kids, question time.

1) Why is FamilyMart searching for the English equivalent of "foreign crime" and "hidden foreign crime files"?
2) Why is FamilyMart reading my pitiful little blog?
3) Why the hell did FamilyMart not have the common courtesy to at least leave me a comment?

All joking aside, when FamilyMart caught on to the fact that they might be subject to a boycott, they (eventually & supposedly) voluntarily pulled "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime 2007" from the shelves across Japan. Who knows...maybe they're thinking, "Were those uppity foreigners really gonna boycott us or just pulling our leg?" and decided to find out for themselves. Beats me, but FamilyMart, if you're reading this, leave a friggin' comment next time, huh?

Oh yeah...almost forgot. The magazine is still available on Amazon.jp, so last night I wrote their PR Dept to ask why they would wanna sell a racist publication like this. Unfortunately, my written Japanese isn't quite up to the level of writing such a formal letter, so I banged a mail out in English, pressed "send" and hoped for the best (although I didn't really have very high expectations).

To my astonishment, I actually gotta mail back today from Amazon.jp in exceedingly good English...but stating that:

"As a retailer, our goal is to provide customers with the broadest
selection possible so they can find, discover, and buy any item
they might be seeking. That selection includes some items which
many people may find objectionable. Therefore, the items offered
on our web site represent a wide spectrum of opinions on a
variety of topics." Blah, blah, blah...

Well, thanks for the mail, but sorry guys...that doesn't quite cut it. Racism & discrimination plain ol' suck, and I don't particularly care to support a business that sells stuff like that. Guess it'll be a while before I buy anything on Amazon for a while.

Last but not least, I ran across a story on Japan Probe, Japan Today and the Mainichi Daily News (the English version of the Mainichi Shinbun) about how "foreign crime has diminished slightly over 16% from FY2005). Interesting timing on this one, eh?

Oh, but wait a tic...

On the Japanese version of Mainichi Shinbun, the headline is a whole lot different, i.e. it reads, "Foreign Crime: Increase In Outlying Areas, Chubu Area Sees Rates 35 Times Higher Than They Were 15 Years Ago".

WTF!? Wonder why this little gem didn't get put in the English edition...

Hey Mainichi Shinbun! Some of us dirty, uppity foreigners can read Japanese too, ya know...

Care to leave a comment and explain?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

「迷惑マン」と呼んでください / Being A Pain In The Ass To Others Is My Specialty


English below...


嫌だ。去年、肺炎になった時に比べるとそんなに悪くないけど本格的な風邪をひいちゃった。畜生。

小学児童は本当に「小さい黴菌とウィルス工場」だから最近、学校で風邪やインフルエンザがすごく流行っている。そして月・火曜日、吹雪の中にスキー学習に行くことはバッド・アイディアだったかもしれない。

やっぱり、今回は僕の番だ。きっと、スキー学習の文句を言ったからかな。

昨日、昼くらいから調子はどんどん悪くなりましたから今日は休んでいる。学校もスキー学習も。

何でアジアにいる間にこんなに風邪をひくかな?毎日何回もちゃんと手を洗ったり、うがいをしますがあまり意味ないみたい。アジアのウィルスはそんなにちがう?僕の免疫系はそんなに弱い?

奥さんによると、日本では風邪をひくことは「迷惑」です。ちゃんと体を気をつけないと周りの人に迷惑を掛けてしまう。休んだら、職場の同僚、奥さんに迷惑を掛ける。休まないと仕事の同僚と子ども達は僕の風邪をひいて、迷惑を掛ける。

厳しいな、日本。

よく頑張っても迷惑を掛けるしか出来ないみたい。どうしてもうまくできない状態だ。

とにかく、金曜日に欠かせない授業があるから、とりあえず、風邪薬を飲んだり、沢山寝たり、成功を祈ることしかないみない。


Ugh. While it's not nearly as bad as my bout of pneumonia from last year, I've defo gotta full on cold. Crap.

Little kids are pretty much tiny bacteria & virus factories, so colds and the flu have really been going around lately. That, and going skiing w/ the kids on Monday and Tuesday in the middle of blizzards both days probably didn't help much either, so I guess it's only natural that it was my turn to get sick (well...bitching about going skiing no doubt knocked a few points off my karma level, too).

Ya know how sometimes you can feel a cold coming on? Well, that started around noon yesterday and picked up steam from there. As a result, I'm home sick today, i.e. no ski lessons
and no school.

Why the hell does it seem like I'm constantly sick whenever I'm in Asia? I wash my hands multiple times a day and gargle whenever I get home, but its like it makes no difference. I was never like this back in the states. Are the viruses here that much different or is my immune system really that weak?

According to my wife, the Japanese consider a cold as meiwaku, or "causing others to be inconvenienced" which is a big social taboo here. In a group-based society like Japan (as compared to an individualistic society like the US) I can see the reasoning behind this way of thinking, but supposedly, no matter what the case, it's your own damn fault if you get sick. Because people who "take care of themselves" never get colds. Yeah right.

If I take the day off to try and get better, I cause trouble for both my wife and the people I work with (regardless of whether I have classes or not). If I try to drag my ass into work, I cause trouble by possibly getting even more sick and infecting my co-workers and the kids. Seems like no matter what I do or how hard I try to stay healthy, the only thing I can do is end up being a pain in the ass to those around me. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

In anycase, seeing as I've got classes on Friday that I can't miss and a wedding to attend on Sunday, guess the only thing I can do is take my cold medicine (thanks M&D for the Thera-Flu & NyQuil!), sleep and hope I somehow feel better in the next 20 or so hours. *shrug*

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

So...tired. Must...sleep.... / ちかれた・・・倒れ・・・そう・・・

日本語しか読めないみなさんへ、

すみませんが昨日と今日のスキー学習のせいで日本語の日記を書くエネルギーがないから許してください。orz

Ugh. Yesterday & today I went skiing with 5th & 6th graders for their ski lessons and hoo boy am I feelin' it. I seriously doubt if I'm gonna be able to move in the morning. Oh well...at least I don't have to go skiing again until Thursday.

WTF? When did I get to the point where I'm bitching about being paid to go skiing w/ a bunch of kids? How sad am I?

In other news, looks like the whole "Hidden Foreign Crime Files" flap has gotten more attention from the rest of the world, including a few articles in The Times (London) (as well as the now pissed off gaijin population in general), and as a result, FamilyMart's finally agreed to immediately pull this little hate speech mook from it's shelves. Huzzah for social activism!

Now if BoingBoing'll only pick up on my submission about the story... C'mon guys! Pick up on this story while it's still hot and before more British journalists write it off as nothing more than a shit-job journalism example of Japanese penis envy! ;)

BTW, Happy Waitangi Day to all you Kiwis!

Monday, February 05, 2007

コメントお願いします! / Um, comments please?

Sitemeterのアカウントによると、最近世界中の人たちが僕のブログを見てくれましたからありがとうがいます!

According to my Sitemeter account, there's been people viewing this page left & right from all over the globe, so first off, thanks!

しかし、コメントを書いてくれる人はすごく少ない・・・

However, so far, there's only been like 2 people that've left comments...

だから是非、コメントを書いてください!僕の書いたことを反対?賛成?面白い?つまらない?英語か日本語が多すぎる?教えてよ!

So please...leave me some comments! Are you for or against what I'm saying? Is it entertaining/interesting or boring? Too much Japanese or English? Lemme know!

ありがとうございます!

Thanks!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

「外人犯罪裏ファイル」の最新情報 / "Unspeakable Foreign Crime Files Update"

やった!ガーディアンと言うイギリス有力紙のウェブサイトで「驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル2007」についての記事を載っています !

是非、http://www.guardian.co.uk/japan/story/0,,2004646,00.html をチェックして見てください!



Sweet! This story's gone global, baby! As of yesterday, there's a piece in The Guardian (fairly influential British newspaper) that does a fairly balanced take on the "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime 2007" story. If you get a chance, make sure to check it out!

Man, if somebody ever decides that they wanna get the foreign population of Japan in a snit, this'd be a great case study...

Friday, February 02, 2007

Because When I Think "Tasty!", I Think of Chocolate, Shrimp & Asse

How's that for a marketing campaign?

Yesterday when I was on my witch hunt for unspeakable tales of foreign crime, I just happened to see this piled high on a convenience store shelf...




In case you can't read it, yes...that is a container full of chocolate covered shrimp crackers. They even made the chocolate a bit salty to complement the taste of the shrimp crackers (what...you think I could make up shit like this?). Two great tastes that taste great together, I guess...IN FRIGGIN' BIZARRO WORLD.

Oh, wait a tic...this is Japan...never mind.

I guess it could turn out to be pretty tasty, but as this is wrong on so many levels, I just haven't had the courage to try 'em yet. Fear not tho, I'll keep ya updated whenever I finally do.

In anycase, supposedly if a product is a hit here in Hokkaido, it'll go over well nationwide, and if it fails, well, y'aint gonna be seeing it in Tokyo anytime soon (hopefully these chocolate salty shrimp crackers too, will soon go the way of the buffalo like their predecessors BBQ lamb & beer flavored caramel - although why horse sushi ice cream is still around is beyond me). Kinda makes me feel special to be a guinea pig...er, part of such a distinguished and highly selective demographic, rather.

While we do occasionally get the short end of the "what kind of disgusting combination can we come up with this time?" stick, they do get it right every now & then. Such examples would include "Cherry blossom", cherry, sweet bean (sounds bad, tastes good), banana, choco-banana, apple, cantaloupe, and passion fruit flavored Kit Kat.

My favorite one that passed the fine palettes of Hokkaido though, would have to be Asse.



Ok, well technically it's pronounced "Ah-say", but the spelling's close enough. I tell ya...there's nothing better than a fine piece of Asse, and the possibilities here are just endless.


Thursday, February 01, 2007

New Toys!

Thanks to Coal over at Libation Kowloon, I've picked up a swank new little toy!

Ever wonder what you're about to go when clicking on a link? With this free Java plug-in called Snap! it gives a little preview of any external links so that you can see exactly where you're headed. Yay! No more goatses or tub girls spoiling a perfectly nice browsing session (notice how I did NOT put links on those)! Pretty neat, huh?

One quick disclaimer: If you're using a script blocker like NoScript for Firefox, you'll need to enable www.snap.com to get it to work.

ちょっと落ち着いて、考え見ると / Now That I've Calmed Down A Bit...

English below, 'cause it's too much of a pain in the ass to think of what I wanna say in English first...


先のポストが出来た後、正直に怒っていた。そして5分くらい前、
有道出人(あるどうでびと)さんのブログで、またひどい漫画を見つけた。去年の件ですが、さぁね・・・

しかし、もう怒っていないです。ちょっとイライラしているけど怒っていない。理由は二つ:

1) 近くのコンビニ探しに行ったら、ありがたいことに「
驚愕の外人犯罪裏ファイル―外人犯罪白書2007」がなかった。

2) きっと、こういう風な雑誌・漫画・本をよく読む人はキモイな「白い靴下と黒スーツ」を着る、完全にsheeple(従順で自分の意見がなく大勢に従う人々)だ。

・・・と信じたい。人種差別は最低だね。



To be perfectly honest, after my last post I was pretty livid. Then not 5 minutes ago, I found another nasty little comic over at Debito Arudo's blog. It was from last year, but still...

In the spirit of trying to keep my blood pressure from skyrocketing any further though, I'm not mad anymore. A bit annoyed, yes. Pissed off, no, and for 2 reasons:

1) I went to all of the local convenience stores (well, all 3 in Tohma, in anycase) tonight after practice, and thankfully none of 'em had any copies of "Hidden Files of Unspeakable Foreign Crime 2007".

2) Surely, the only people buying magazines/comics/books like this are bottom of the barrel of society rejects that probably wear white socks with black suits and are total sheeple.

...or at least I really want to believe that.

Man, racism sucks big ol' donkey dicks.

ふざけてるんでしょう? / You've gotta be kidding me...

No doubt slightly different English rant below...

今日は膝の怪我について日記を書きたかったがミクシィ経由にて「
外人犯罪裏ファイル」についての日
記を見つけた・・・



全国のコンビ二で今発売中



・・・勘弁してくれよ。


日本は大好きだけどこの「我々島国日本人」と「外人=犯罪や社会問題」の考え方は信じられないほどムカツクです。 もちろん、アメリカや他の国でも人種問題がありますし、人種差別主義者もいるけど殆どの国でこういう風な雑誌は許さないことじゃない?それより許せない

もう一つの問題は、この雑誌に載っている記事は大体欧米人について、何も書いていないのに、「外人」と言う言葉を聞くと日本人のイメージは何でしょうか?中国人?違う。在日韓国人?ブブー。黒人と白人でしょう?この考え方はすごく危ないですが日本では普通みたい。

鎖国時代は150年前に終わりましたよ。好きかどうかかかわらず、2007年の人間は国際社会です。
一番心をかき乱すようなことは要望がなければコンビニや本屋さんの発売ができないはず。言いづらいですが僕の日本人友達も、僕の「外人さ」は関係ないと思ったのに、本当にそういう風に考えていますか?

すごく少ないですが、たまに「何でここに住みたい?」と思う。

日本人の皆さんは今「Hillbillyさん・・・ただ考え過ぎているだろ。」と思っているかもしれないですが逆だったらどうですか?



I was gonna write about my bum knee today, but that's sorta been put on hold. Thanks to Coal at Mixi, I found an article here & here describing a new "expose" on the "foreign crime wave" currently happening in Japan.




(translation: "The Hidden Foreign Crime Files")

Yes, this is now on sale at convenience & book stores throughout Japan.


Give me a fucking break...


I love Japan (why would I choose to live here for the last 7 years otherwise?), but this whole "We, the island bound Japanese race" and "foreigner = crime and social problems" mind set pisses me off to no end. Sure, America and other countries have their own racial problems and you're gonna find a few racist assholes no matter where you go, but I would think that in most countries that finding this kind of thing in a convenience store magazine rack would be unthinkable, not to mention illegal for the overall hate speech tones. Oh yeah, that's right...Japan is a "homogeneous and genetically pure society" so it has no need for any laws against discrimination.

The other problem I see with this is that while they never really mention Americans, Canadians, Brits, Aussies, Kiwis or any citizens of the supposed "good", i.e. mainly white countries, what is the typical image of a "foreigner" to most Japanese? Chinese? Nope. Koreans with permanent residence in Japan? Huh uh...they're Asian, so their Japanese, right? Blacks & whites? You sir win the $64 prize! This kind of thinking is just dangerous, but seems to be the status quo in Japan.

Somewhat similar to rednecks in the US and the whole Civil War thing, Japan's period when it shut itself off from the rest of the world is over. Like 150 years ago over, guys. Regardless of whether you like it or not, we live in an international society, so get over it. What's most disturbing to me is that this kind of bullshit wouldn't even get shelf space in convenience & book stores if there wasn't a demand for it, right? I hate to say it, but is this the way my Japanese friends really feel? The ones I thought looked past my "foreignness" and became friends with me because of the person I am?

It doesn't happen very often, but every now & then (like right now), there're times when I really have to ask myself, "Why the hell do I want to live in a country like this?"

Sure, some of you are probably thinking, "Hillbilly...you're being paranoid", but how would you feel if you were Japanese and something like this about "Nip Criminals Terrorize America" came out in the US?